not like last time =(

Things weren't like last time dy...

last time we used to chat happily...but ever since dat day a slight miscommunication occured...our conversation turned cold dy...

i wonder hw r u? r u okay? hv u eaten? r u out wit ur frenz?

i hope u r fine...

but its as if everything changed for some reasons...

y r guys so...i duno...dey jz make a decision without giving any good reason...sometimes dey cnt come out wit a reason too...

i dun wan anything else...i jz wana b frenz wit u...jz a good fren...

i hope u dun misunderstand =(

i knw i couldnt b wit u...datz y i decided to jz b frenz... =)

safe n no risk...

i hope we cn b good frenz like laz time...sharing n tagging picz n videos...itz fun...n itz nice to c u smile....

god bless u... =) baka...u're oways a good fren of mine...take care

it hurts......

i wish i'd knew what i was doing...
i missed you so much...
i cnt live without u calling me baka...i got used 2 it dy...in fact...i dont mind
but it seems as if what im doing ain't blooming ><
i know its dumb but whenever u tag me cute pictures of catz...i feel so touched...no one has ever done dat b4...i think itz cute although itz jz a simple gesture...
u were always there for me when i was bored or feeling down...u would show me funny videos to cheer me up...you would even tease me...
n in d end i had feelings towards u...n i even admitted to u...
but...
you still missed your ex...when i asked if u had a chance to get bk wit her...u said u will...my heart crumbled...
n dat day i was sick...u told me u were worried n u cared...when i was feeling down...u were worried what happened to me...
my ex kept looking for me...n i felt terrified n scared...i felt hurt at d same time...cnt stop crying...
n when i thought of u...tears dropped even more...
im nt sure whether i was doing the right thing...whether i made d right decision that i chose you...
i kp asking myself everyday...
cuz...i wasnt d 1 in ur heart right now...i understand dat...i told myself that im gonna give you more time...i knw hw u feel...i felt like dat b4...time can only heal...
n i dont knw hw itz going 2 end up...
i wish all d best to you...
im sorry for saying sorry to you...
i dont knw y...i jz felt guilty for telling u dat i missed u...
i jz wish dat u're by my side now...but i dont think u'll knw dat...n i dun think that u'll knw dat i missed u...
i dun dare to open my mouth...all i did was wait wait n wait...
was it worth waiting?...i told myself dat it will be worth it...
n i will wait...i will...
all i cn do nw is pray n wait...
i want u 2 be happy with your decision...n i will wait for the right answer 1 day...
i cnt get u outta my mind...i nw itz blind but...
datz hw i feel...i cnt lie to myself n i dun wana lie 2 u...
i cnt help it...
but no matter what...i will stay strong n wait...
i will...

1st thing in d morning a tremendous headache struck me...i was in great pain...holy! my whole body ache like hell...i hv no idea wat happened until i realised i was coming down wit a fever...nw dat sucks ==
i slept n rested d whole day...n didnt eat a single food until my k jie forced me 2 eat den i ate...huhu T.T
i had a weird dream though....
i dreamt of my hometown...n even worse...i dreamt of my ex...we were holding hands just like in d park...n omg...i hv no idea wats happening...all of a sudden...i jz wanna get bk 2 sabah...i rili miss d moments....i miss my hometown...although derz no reason 4 me 2 go bk...i dun hv any place 2 stay either...
all i did was jz stare at d atmosphere while siting at d balcony...eventhough itz freaking cold...but i didnt care...
everytime wen i stare bk at d necklace...i cn feel my eyes start 2 water...i jz 2 get d feelings off me...
i knew he wud find someone after me...n it was true...his status was stated single but he was in a relationship wit my k mei...i was a little disapointed...but datz wat happened wen i was wit him...
he cheated me n had 4 distance relationship gf...he nvr admitted but all his smses said so...i still rmb dat time i kept everything inside me n nvr dared 2 express it out until i burst 1 day...it sucks...
i knw he hates me nw...i cnt blame him n he cnt blame me...i was angry until i threw our ring with our names carved on it as his b'day present...all of it...keychains, necklace n small gifts...i threw it all...i didnt wan 2 remind about d past...it hurts alot
wen i woke up...i tot everything rewinded bk...but it was jz a dream...but gawd it seems so real ><><
gawd...i nd 2 rest...ciao ~

why?

u r d 1st 2 make me believe in love...
u r d 1st who gave me d confidence 2 love..
u r d 1st 2 who understands my situation..
n most incredibly..for all my life, stil u r d only person who can read my expression...can read my face..behind all diz laughter n smiles..y? hw do u do dat? n how do u knw?
u can read me...how n y?
many ppl cnt read d expressions on my face...all i did everyday was jz smile n laugh...i couldnt help it..but wen u told me dat u could read my sorrow..n d words dat u told me before...i was shock...dumbfounded...u knew...u knew hw i felt..n u knew y i kept everything in my heart..u knew d reason..u r nt me...u r nt god...but y?
y did u treat me extremely good wen i jz treated u like a normal fren?..
y did u wipe of d stain off my face wit ur bare hands wen u knew u hated being dirty?
y did u sacrifice ur files 2 prevent me getting soaked under d rain?
y did u walk all d way 2 my house jz 2 get me food wen i didnt even tell u dat im hungry but actually i was?
y did u hold my hands wen we cross d road?
y did u cry for me wen i was crying on d inside but nt d outside?
y did ur ears turn red wen u saw me in a dress for d 1st time?
y did u make me so confuse?
n most importantly...y did u leave?
itz been 2 years...u knw...2 years!!
do u knw hw long was dat? n hw cme im d last 1 2 knw?
u had diz thing growing in u...n y didnt u tell me?
u cud read my body language n my expressions but i cudnt read yours...
u were oways laughing, smiling, playing around, teasing me n trying 2 make happy n i nvr realized d pain dat u went through...
y didnt u jz tell me?
i feel like such a fool...im soo disapointed of myself...i failed 2 read u...but u read me so easily..
u ever once told me dat we r jz like novels..all d words r written on our face..all we nd 2 do is jz read den we will knw d contents...
u knew hw much i love novels n we hv d same interest in music n arts..i still rmb u drawing a potrait of me..but u wudnt gv it 2 me..
u ever told me dat i was d only person who cud gv him d warmth dat he has nvr experienced...
u ever told me dat i was d only girl who meant so much 2 u...
i jz kept quiet...at 1st i was afraid 2 love until d words dat u said gained my confidence n i tolf myself i was ready..
u said u hv something 2 gv me on x'mas..derz still 2 months 2 go on dat time...2 me 2 months passed like 2 weeks so i didnt mind n said ok...
d next week u told me dat u r going 2 migrate 2 australia 2 further ur studies...i cried on d spot...but comforted me n told me dat u will b bk on x'mas 2 gv me d surprise dat u promised me...i nodded...i trusted u
2 months ltr...i waited 4 ur answer...wer 2 meet? wat time? n wat should we wear? i hv a give for u too...
i still rmb on d 28th... u havent appeared...something was wrong...i cud sense it...i couldnt call ur house n u nvr replied my emails..nt even my calls...wats happening?im soo confused...u asked me 2 wait...i waited...but wer r u? do u knw hw much i missed u dat time? u ever once told me hw much u loved clovers..i bought a pair of it...pure jade..i wanted 2 gv u dat...n all i cn do is jz kp it...nobody knws about it...nt even my mum...
i was angry at u..u made me disapointed...u said on dat day u wanted 2 tell me something...n u said u wanted 2 watch d stars wit me...n u said u wanted my life 2 better after on dat day...i already hv d idea on wat ur gonna ask on dat day...i was rili happy at dat time...i couldnt wait in fact...
i waited...n in d end i gave up...wen i asked ur frenz, dey said u migrated n had a new gf perhaps..i felt cheated, ashamed of myself...angry n disapointed...cried in d toilet..it hurts..
but nw...itz been 2 years...u received an email diz morning...an invitation 2 ur 2nd anniversary...i tot u got married or something but it wasnt...it was a funeral...
wat actually happened 2 u??? y m i d last 1 2 knw? i tot u said u wud tell me everything?
y did u lie 2 me? y did u say u migrated 2 australia wen u actually got admitted 2 ICU???
bryan told me ur tumour spread 2 ur nervous system..u got paralysed n fainted..u asked bryan 2 swear nt 2 tell me anything...but y? u're afraid dat i might cry or commit suicide or something?
bryan said after 3 days u left...wich was a week after u contacted me...i tot u didnt wan me anymore...but it wasnt...d 1st thing dat happened 2 me wen i read d email was cry...bryan found my email in ur previous chest at d attic in inanam...i cnt believe u still kept my hp number dat i wrote on a mcd receipt wen u asked me out on d 1st time...
i tot wat u told me was jz a joke...but it wasnt...plz...
y did u leave me hanging like diz?
2 years n i was d laz 1 2 knw...n no 1 wanted 2 admit...hw many ppl hv u tell dem 2 swear nt 2 tell me? even ur parents?
bryan told me u wanted 2 gv me my potrait...d 1 dat u hv drawn..dat i hv wanted for ages...n attached 2 it was a love letter...u plan 2 ask a chance frm me dat time... but b4 x'mas u were already admitted 2 hospital...around september...
i hv no idea y i cud stil smile wen deep inside me im so hurt..sometimes i cud feel ur presence around me...protecting me or something...i missed u...no one has ever did such adorable things 2 me like dat...nt even my exes...i feel so ashamed for blaming u..
rumours were heard dat d potrait was buried wit u...i wish i cud find bk d clover...but eversince i moved i nvr brought it wit me...i tot it wasnt meaningful anymore...i was a fool 2 believe d negative rumours bout u hooking up wit a girl or something...but it was too late...
i hv no idea wat 2 do nw...all i cn do is cry while reading d email n remembering all d memories dat u hv given me...y must u make it so sweet?
we nvr had a chance 2 start but u hv already left..for 2 years u hv left...u left me behind...u nvr said goodbye...
d last word u said was "goodnight kitty..c u in my dream..missed u..n dont 4get 2 miss me"..i laughed...i tot it was a joke or something...but ur words made me so happy till i cnt fell aslp dat night...u're stronger den caffeine n paracetamol..
u're like my medicine 2 everything..
i still miss u...but im nt sure if u're looking after me frm d above...god is protecting u...n i knw u hv been protecting me as well..
i wanted 2 c u...i wanted 2 hold u...but my tears wudnt let me..i cnt even hold u..
is diz d end of our novel? or jz d starting?
all i wanted 2 say was i love u...eventhough u wont b able 2 hv a chance 2 read diz blog..my feelings...hw i felt diz few years...but deep in my heart...from d bottom of my brokenheart...i will oways rmb ur sweet gesture...d memories dat u left behind...
condolescence...
bless eu...
remember me...

weird week? ==

mmmm..
sori didnt write for diz few days...
but kinda happy...after all diz few days have passed..
kinda nice...a lil sweet?
lolx...(face red) eek >< i duno hw 2 express dat...hahax passed up my assignments n was relieved...thk god...n i got "A's" >w< wee~ celebrated wit my frenz n was rili satisfied wit my work...hahax lucky d lecturer liked my idea...sigh stil remembered d mcd part...so sweet...winston, ah loon n zack n I went 2 mcd 4 supper...lolx i wasnt hungry so i jz ate d apple pie while 3 of dem grabbed d GCB... (golden ci bai?) omg...bad word hahax XDDD i saw d happy meal toy...nt exactly a toy but a plushy..so cute n itz a sugarbunny...i wanted 2 take d happy meal but i was scared i couldnt finish it so i took d apple pie instead...suddenly @@ zack said he wasnt full n he went over 2 d counter...i tot he ordered something else but wen he came bk...happy meal @@ omg he gave me d sugarbunny...n i was eyeing d white one n he got d white one i was like eeeeekkkk >w< i was like over d moon XD so sweet...n dat damn winston n ah loon kp eyeing both of us n kp tou tou xiao == yea...smart la u guys == lolx n at D'mamak...winston n ah loon! y u guys kp teasing me?? T.T huhu...eeeyer...so paiseh la...oways sengaja make my face red2 de >< eeekkk... but...d feeling is nt strong yet...nt rili der yet...lolx...wat cn i say? im gonna move soon...currently at d 3rd floor gonna move 2 d 8th floor lolx...i wonder hw im gonna move my stuff == hope d guys cud lend a hand...den ltr blanja makan XD wakaka... but paiseh la if i ask dem... >< mm...diz few days rili like ghost la...slp so late...i mean soooooo early...hahax... XD if u get wat i meant... n haix...stupid guys...kp calling n kp smsing me...as if im 7-eleven or something n kp asking me fei hua n stupid nonsense == ish if u got other motif dun come luk 4 again...if u wanna tell me something tell properly la...u dun go fili fala der cn o nt?make me headache weh == so noisy...n childish...eeee ><>
(run away) >

silence is gold?

im nt sure if it's a gud idea 2 tell it out here...
i knw he doesnt read my blog...jz a guess but datz wat i assume so i guess im gonna write it all here...
but izit a gud choice? i duno...i've been feeling rili weird diz few dayz...not jz my mood but feelingz...
im nt sure...i havent told any1 yet...nt a single soul...i knw some ppl might think itz some1 close 2 me or perhaps my past...but maybe both of it might not b it...
i duno hw 2 express it...all i knw is whenever im alone or walking alone or doin watever alone...i will start thinking bout it...
i've oways asked myself whether it might happen or nt?
will it EVER happen?
i hate diz feeling...i duno y i hate being left alone diz few days...i duno y all of a sudden diz happened...
sometimes my eyes wud jz prick a tear or wud day dream all of a sudden...
i knew diz isnt deppression...i had dat once n it didnt felt like diz...but diz was different...
i assume most of d ppl reading diz wud nt understand wat im trying 2 say...becuz i havent told any1 about diz...
hw long cn i smile like diz? hw long will it take 2 get bk? hw long? n y?
i've oways wished 4 a respond from you...but...nt even a reply...im not even sure whether i might get 2 share so much n meet u again...i decided 2 leave d circle...i wasnt meant 2 b in it...i wasnt supposed 2 b....im nt part of it...im d oddest...yeah i am...
i had diz feeling dat... dat it wud nt happen...wat i've dreamt...n wat i've imagines...silly me...itz jz an imagination n im already thinking dat way...psycho ==
maybe....maybe i shud jz stay silent...do my own stuff...no no no nt mourning..itz jz...jz trying 2 make myself 2 4get diz feelings....
becuz...
i've fallen...
i fell...
n itz hard 2 describe diz heart beating stuff...
im sori i was weird...n day by day...sigh...
i was a nuisance i was a pain i was a chatterbox...i talked too much...y cnt i jz zip it...omg
i've ruined myself...
i was right...i shouldnt tell...i've made diz mistake before...n i thought being honest wud hv itz positive effects...not...it turned out way bad...freaked out...
1st mistake...nvr a 2nd...i dun wan dat 2 happen again...
i vow nvr 2 tell...unless...if u ask...only u...i wont answer any1 except u...but...it all depends...2nd mistake...how long will dat occur?
n wen will be it?
hw i wish i cud jz predict d future...so i'd knw wat might happen...but life wudnt b fair like dat...i knw god hv his own way of leading our lives...
im trying 2 believe it...trying 2 smile...trying 2 stop diz tearz..
n i hope...dat 1 day u will b d 1 who will catch diz tearz of mine...b der 2 be my warmth n shelter...n 2 b d apple of my eye...
d 1 n only...
no 1 will understand n no 1 cud guess...if u happen 2 read diz...i dun think u might itz u...i dun think u might know wat im trying 2 tell...like i said im weird...stupid...a pin in d neck...a nuisance...a freak...
i jz wish i cud tell u diz...but i cnt...ur expressions...u oways dun luk happy 2 c me around...u're oways busy...n u sound annoyed...
i duno y...i jz hv diz feeling but im nt sure if itz true cuz i've oways had diz 6th sense n im oways asking myslf whther i shud trust it o nt...
no wonder silence is gold....
n i will kp 2 dat...
vowed...
im out ~

misunderstandingz.... ==

eek... ><
managed 2 complete most of my assignments in time...wohoo..gud job miyuki...
sienz everyday stay at home...rili sienz...2bad im d more outgoing type of person...rather hang out with my frenz...but nt 2 doz hen lan d places la...even chit chatting or mamaking is more den enuf XD i love spending time wit frenz...
mayb i shud cut down on supper...roti telur ==
soon im gonna gain weight...n by dat time nobody wud wan me...wakaka...
dat wud b a disaster T.T werz my prince? traffic jam belum sampai ah?lolx...weirdo ==
winston n clarence used 2 kp reviving d topics about zavk ==
omg...wat is going on around here ==
n nw itz alferh's turn...adui...winston oh winston...y u go brainwash alferh ah? ><
haix...i truly dun understand y diz is happening...i cnt even feel dat he has feelings 2wards me o nt...n dat wud nvr happen 4 god sake...y r u guys oways imagining things d other way round...if he shows interest den mayb itz diff la...but he didnt lor...so dun kp talking bout it...makes me feel weird n YEAH i dun believe it even if u guys kp saying it...i'd oni believe it if he said it frm his own mouth...n dat will link to 1 word = IMPOSSIBLE ==
u guys r driving me crazy... ==
do nt talk d impossible... XD whoa sounds like mission impossible... ==
i hope he doesnt read diz...oopz...cuz i assume dat he wud nvr wanna read my blog...wat a guess ==
diz is lame ==
childish la...ish...stop reviving d topics...diam2 ubi fan shu...n jz do ur assignments...guai guai good...
== haix lolx...
disaster weh if he knew u guys kp reviving such topics...weird2 de ==
apa punya bro == ( eek >< )
looking 4 glass bottle 4 my bottle design...diz is gonna b hard...free hand drawing in d glass bottle...if itz printing it might luk neater but free hand drawing especially acrylic on glass is nt a good option...messy n static...but datz wat d teacher wants T.T
y must it b part of d rules...ish ==
omg...hv been slping rili late...becoming a nite ghost soon...cnt believe it...slept rili late n stil cn wake up early in d morn...no wonder diz few days i've been feeling a lil cranky n wires r a lil out of order...kinda electrocuted ==
geesh...omg...stop asking me ><>
stop calling me n smsing me ><
stop alarming me n talking endless nonsense 2 me...itz nt dat i dun wanna hear...u're losing 2 much of my time == i'd rather work out on my assignments n hang out wit my frenz den listening 2 all ur lame excuses bout diz n dat...i didnt even ask n u're already talking 2 urself all d way down d lane...i cnt believe im still facing lectures in entertainment world...argh...u're spoiling it ><
i jz wanna hv fun but appreciate life at d same time... >w<
wee~

same as usual.....==

finished a few assignments...but more wud pop out...i hv no idea wen i wud meet d fullstop ==
drawing is my passion...but too much of it wud seriously drive me mad..especially wen it comes to brainstorming...
hv been hanging out at winston's place lately..with zavk n ah lun...enjoyed watching dem completing their assignments...somehow i find it rather fun n peaceful hanging out der rather den staying at home n facing d same old thing...if u get wat i mean ==
haix...weekend was nvr fun..so i didnt actually bear dat in mind...was oways hoping 4 better...
monday nite i had a long chat wit zavk...it cured my boredomness n at d same time i somehow get 2 knw more bout him...it was fun...like a storybook or something...we shared a lot...didnt expected dat...
winston n ah lun were funny wen dey played snooker...i was like sitting behind wit zavk..we both chatted while dey both played n it was damn funny...their butts kp facing me wen dey wanted 2 aim 4 d balls...i was like sweat ==|||...
diz few days, hv been up till d early morn...panda + cat = ??? ==
pandat?pancat? == lolx
haix...wil b facing my midterm test diz thursday...hope 4 d best...
dry media assignments r also due on thursday...friday's d worst...final artwork 4 pepsi...eek...havent finalised my design yet...derz jz too much 2 choose..nt sure wich 2 finalised...eekk...
hope my drawings cud atleast fascinate d lecturer ..even a bit might lighten me up...i dun wanna c d sour look on his face...especially after he saw drawings dat were drawn by my mates..he luks pissed all d time wnever its their turn...so reminding myself 2 b oways 1st 2nd or 3rd in line...nvr in between or behind...dun wanna b d last 2 cry T.T
lolx...God Bless Me!!... >w

will diz life be changed?

've oways thought of having a better life...but perhaps nt at diz time...n i realized i've actually gotten used 2 my bz and hectic life...some of my frenz still couldnt cope..maybe time might heal dem..
cls was ok...but funny incidents did happen diz 2day..during lecture...my frenz n i kept laughing over diz "goldfish" guy who suddenly came 2 hug us jz 2 get in2 d picture...awkward but it did freaked my fren out...she was seriously terrified n her expressions did make me laugh till my face went all red like a tomato XD
wen i went bk after cls...i hungout arnd winston's n zavk's plce...started drawing my sketches but was lost of ideas wen i drew halfway...mind blocked..==
i was at their balcony n it started 2 drizzle..something popped up in my mind again...i started 2 grew quiet all of a suddent...was thinking of something but wen i try 2 ask myself wat was i thinking? diz thoughts kinda jz disappear like dat..diz has been happening eversince i came 2 KL..memories?past?wen will my mind get over it...especially during rainy days...
my frenz told me dat i might need some1 2 talk to...lonesome is wat dey usualy describe me behind doz laughter n happy face.."how did u manage to cover all dat?" == ...i seriously duno hw 2 answer dem...i dun wan other ppl 2 get d wrong idea...n i dun wan 2 make any1 worried...it makes me feel guilty at d same time..i dun wan dem 2 think dat i "minta kesian"...dats nt wat i wan...i wanted life 2 b normal...i hate ppl thinking like dat..think d wrong n negative way..
zavk had a long chat wit me at d balcony...it was kinda of a nice chat..shared alot though...
had supper ltr wit ah lun, winston & zavk...ah klun n winston wanted 2 play snooker but it was full so d plan was kinda out of line...so we went bk 2 melati...dey played pool n it was kinda humourous...competing against each other..hahax...
went bk n tried 2 slp but i cnt so i started fb-ing n msn-ing 2 pass my time...updating my blog...haix...i feel like wanna breath some fresh air...get out n hv some fun instead of staying at home all day like im trapped in jail doin my assignments all day long...seriously it sux...although i like drawing...but i cnt brainstorm wen im nt out.. i wish i cud c more things around my place here...
i wish i cud learn more...itz nice 2 hv frenz like winston n zavk...unfortunately clarence found a job n moved out dy..kinda sad..T.T
4 ppl had commented bout my thoughts dy...nt a typical 18 yr old...i sound mre older den dat... == omg...especially 2 doz who had lotsa heart 2 heart talk wit me...eek ><
i dun wanna sound old...i dun wanna b ah po ==
diffrnt ppl hv diffrnt points of view n comments..was dat n insult or a complimet? T.T ouch...lolx

robotic...==

life has oways been busy like this...

kinda got used to it...no fair...my frenz get to go out n gai2...eek...i wanna join...but den my assignments wont let me T.T

completed a few assignments early...wee~

wpnt hv 2 worry dat much ltr...sketching 4 dry media wine glass & designing pepsi...

lolx...im outta ideas...all comments will be like "i want something special"...

we did lotsa research but stil he's nt satsfied...hmm ==

jia you....

laz nite whole day at fud court...doin assignments n guessed wat...it rained...scary T.T

ltr at nite hang out at my frenz hse...did resume der voila...cnt believe i did dat in an hour time...wakaka...

felt hungry n went 4 supper at genting kelang...zavk drove us anyway...kelian he told me dat "when he's a driver, will oways b a driver" lolx ==

pity him...i cn imagine hw much he needed 2 spend 4 his petrol...it must hv hurt his wallet...dey were seriously super duper nice 2 me...chatted a lot n yeah i liked d atmosphere but i feel weird cuz i wasnt suppose 2 b wit their cycle...

winston designed a packaging for an instant noodle i guess..

dey were rili nice to me but den i feel like im a lightbulb or kelefeh or some sort...

eek...i rather mine my own stuff...shouldnt b such a troublemaker...

...............==

meow?

relaxing in the midst of busying?

Its week 6th in college n derz odi 8 assignments 2 b completed by nx week..
stress like hell..
i nd 2 pass up 5 of dem by diz wk n 3 by nx week...
itz like it has become part of my life routine of non-stop assignments...
besides, i think itz better den memorizing all doz thick bukz n calculation...i was nvr interested in academical subjects but was forced 2 so yeah i dun hv 2 suffer dat in college...thnk god...hahax
recently a fren of mine named melvin contacted me...he had diz crisi wit his gf...n his gf had another bf...he couldnt accept d fact dat his gf dumped him over another guy but i told him 2 b strong n no matter wat life must go on...
he still acted stubborn...i shook my head...i wonder wat wud happen ltr...i was jz worried bout him as a fren n he mistaken i fell 4 him...omg...sweat ==
he ask me 2 gv him time n all dat but im nt interested...2 me he's stil nt matured enuf 4 me n i dun think he even understnds me..
i ussualy like guys who understands me well n has a thinks maturely even in critical situations...it drives me nuts if a person happen 2 wanna commit suicide or do something crazy or wailed or watever in front of me...i'll feel awkward...nt my cup of tea...
haix...
seriously i dun wanna get involved wit him...he seems annoying n yeah i've oways wanted peace...weekend sucked...assignments whole day...well except for saturday...i went 2 carrefour 2 get some stuff n did a lil of walking...kinda entertaining...atleast itz better den ntg...i dun expect much...
monday...every1 hates diz day of d week...i though after i passed my redo-ed assignment my lecturer might be satisfied cuz i was super careful n neat while drawing n touching my art work...lolx...but unfortunately i 4gt my another file wich contained my sketchbook n attendance paper n assignment brief...ouch...so careless ><
well luckily he 4gave me n asked me 2 pass up my sketches nx monday...but still itz nt over yt..i still hv additional tasks...i even had frenz who r even worse...3rd time of redo...omg...but seriously their drawing seems like children's art work...nt mature n professional enuf...i kinda knew y d lecturer asked dem 2 redo it bk again...
after english cls...i tot i cud go bk n hv a gud rest but ish...itz raining heavily n i had 2 waot 4 d college bus 4 omos an hour...sucked ><
my leges were all cramp n my shoes were all damp n wet..itz like whenever i step on any tile or floor, trails of wet footsteps cud b seen clearly as if i've jz gone for a swim or something...eek ><
luckily i got on a bus wich wasnt rili full but still it luks packed 2 me..arrived home n yeah i luk like a wet kitten...soaked ==
enjoyed ice cream...recently im seriously addicted 2 ice cream especially chocolate flavour...however i dun rili wan a choc bar dat badly...but a tube or a stick of choc ice cream may definitely fish me easy... =3
im lovin' it...lolx
been slping rili late lately...i hpe i wont b a panda soon...but luckily i didnt hv eye bags underneath my precious eyes @@
gawd...itz late...im goin 2 pavilion 2mr...hope 2 c something special...will report in 2mr XD wee ~
nitez.... =3

Diz is ridiculous ==

this sucks... ==
i spend d whole nite completing my assignments...
drawing n becoming crazy...
itz 4am n im stil drawing..my frenz all started scolding me a maniac ==
ouch ><
i thought once im done wit my drawing i cud hv a gud nite rest...
sigh of relief?not gonna happen..
wen I accidently spilled ink leaving a blotch on my precious drawing T.T
i was dumbfounded...i tried cleaning d blotch wit tissues or watsoever...
ntg worked...eventually i cried...
tears prickled my eyes like hell...my eyes were all swollen n red..
i knew i had 2 redo another...itz due d nx morning at 8am...wat other choice do i hv?
so i cried n sobbed while redrawing it all over again..sad o T.T
6am...i finished it..relief n all dat...i thought i cud rest but cls at 8am..i nd 2 rush...bath, get ready my art materials n stuffs n all dat...get changed n rush 2 skul..
luckily d college bus arrived jz on time wen i reached d bus stop..haix
arrived in skul..had no mood 4 breakfast n straight away headed 2 class which is like SO FAR!! T.T morning exercise? im already exhausted like hell n i hv 2 walk a mountain..legs all cramp n tired plus sleepy..im so in a bad mood..
ungh ><.. i tot i was rili early but luckily i saw jackson..guess he was d 1st 2 arrive wit a choc milk in his hands ( his favourite drink ) ==
wen d lecturer arrived..i thought hell wud be over...not ==
omos half of our cls did last minute work n drew their drawings as if diz was sme kind of a play or something...dey werent serious at all == i was furious ><
in d end...d lecturer kp giving comments n insults...i knw he was in a bad mood n i knw he did dat on d purpose...if i were him i wud do d same thng either..n he said 1 thing...
REDO...REDO?!?!?! >< @@ T.T
NO!!! dat aws like all my effort n he wants all of us 2 redo...he didnt care whether wo're done it or nt he jz wan us all 2 redo it...omg! i omos fainted..suck!
luckily he wanted it nx monday...cuz i hv other assignments wich needs 2 b completed by diz week..devastated n all..haix...outta words... ==
once i cme bk home..i felt so tired..i feel like jumping on my bed n enter slumber world..but once i surf d net on my laptop..halfway typing...i dozed off..too tired...i force myself 2 d bed n slept,,,slept a few hours n woke up again ==
tired..body ache..headache..haix.. ==
hope 2mr might b better...ish ==

decieved? white lies?

whoa there...hold ur horses...

wat in d world is happening here?

y r dey 2 sides of a story?

u said she wanted u bk n all dat..desperately misses u like hell n oways chatted wit u wen i havent got d time 2 caht wit u...

while her side of story..she said u wanted her bk..said she's d oni 1 who cared 4 u d most n understnd u d most..

wat is goin on here?

r u trying 2 lie 2 me?

'i like d way u sweet talk wit although i knw is fake'...i saw her writing diz n izit true?means i was rite?u were lying 2 me all diz while??

wat m i 2 u?

an asshole?a doormat?a stupid cat?

i felt deceived by ur words..makes me luk more like an idiot..no wonder everyime wen i ask u quesions...all of ur answers were all illogic..weird answers n r repeated..itz like u duno hw 2 answer me but covering urself at d same time...

dat is d reason y i cudnt cooperate wit ur diz behaviour no longer anymore..everytime i wanted 2 focus on my assignments which costs my life..u wud start bombing my phone as if it has no battery life or watsoever...annoyed n irritated..i feel like throwing my phone away...but i didnt

i didnt knw hw 2 convince u 2 go bk wit her...u werent supposed 2 wait 4 me...cuz i realized d person dat suits u most is her..she misses u more n cares 4 u more...unlike me...i didnt care n answered ur phone...makes u even worse cuz i didnt care 4 u a bit...oni focusing on my assignments as if im hving a relationship wit college..

i tot u wud understand...but i den realized itz oni 4 d time being..

short period...u wud pop up d questions all over again...as if d words jz sprew out of ur other ear...sweat ==

in d end i knew i had no choice but 2 use force...after reading her blog n ur wall n d help of her...i knew dat force is best way...

she needs u...n dun lie...i knw u stil wan her..it shows dat u both hv fate...my fate will soon b in KL..i will nt go bk der..unless im done wit college...dat will b 3 yrs frm nw...it will b long

but time past fast..i guess 3 years wud seem like 3 months..hahax...very funny...college in advanced?dat wud b an advantage...who wudnt wan 2 waste their time?

spending most of my time drawing like a mad girl n sipping green tea while logging on 2 facebook...diz will b my daily routine..n i bet i'll get used 2 it..i dun nd a guy 2 depend on..i wana b independent..achieve my goals on my own..face the challenges...n hv peace..

although yeah itz a hectic life here...but i chose diz path so i hv 2 bear wit d truth n adapt it..a wet blanket is definitely a bad option..so i jz go wit d flow..best option...

god bless me in everything

i've been reading astrologies n birth signs, n numerologies n card readings n watever reading it is..all of dem said dat diz yr wud b a yr of my luck..n d yr wer i will meet my prince in white horse...huh? O.o

whoa...sounds cool..but im nt gonna belive in d prince thingy except 4 d yr luck..prince?hw lucky cn dat b?

not interestrd in d moment...but if der rili is goin 2 b 1 appearing rite after me..i might wanna c how dat ends..gud or bad?ders stil a free movie 2 watch..laughs*

wink*

Expectations out of view...

Life....

it wasn't dat simple after all...but still i tried handling it with lotsa care...i dun wanna waste my life like trash...i wanna take diz opportunity 2 appreciate my new life here..

i've seen a lot diz few days...well maybe jz 2 much....

skul started but it seems like everything went on so fast i didnt expected it 2 b dat fast...faster den d speed of light huh?

assignments r starting 2 bundle up into a mountain form n nw im hving diz headache, finding a solution 2 finish dem all in time...drawings n readings n notes-studying n presentation...i wonder wen will all dat end?

driving me nutz wud b d perfect word...didnt expect college 2 b stress...but still life is extremely diffrent diz way...

my bro asked me 2 move out...ouch

after he broke up with 'her'...he wailed...i got shocked...burst in2 tears n all dat...i seriously didnt want 2 c him dat way...n shockingly he told me 2 get off his sight wit an arrogant voice...i was hurt wit his words but i assumed his emotions werent dat stable yet so i cooled down...it was scary...n yeah i wasa scared at dat time...i didnt wan anything bad 2 happen 2 him...d nx day i went 2 skul...i knew he wudnt wanna fetch me...he's jz too extremely tired frm all doz crying...so i went 2 skul myself...luckily i learnt how 2 get on d college bus odi...kinda ez though...

halfway during lecture...my bro smsed me...'can u move out frm my room?'...dumbfounded...wat was dat suppoed 2 mean?

1st u told me dat u're gonna take care of me n wud guide me...wud treat me like real sis n diz is hw u treat me in d end?i duno who 2 blame...i blamed myslef instead...mayb i was too much of a burden 2 him...so i jz replied ok...i didnt knw wer 2 go...but luckily i found a place 2 stay in d end...temporarily i guess...

he didnt tell d reasons y he asked me 2 move out...no nothing...not even a single word...frm dat day onwards...i cudnt trust him anymore...well not dat much...his words...i wonder if i cn believe dem...after a few days of leaving his hse im ok wit it...mayb cuz i cn easily adapt in new environments...so i had no problems...

but 1 thing disapoint me really bad...i saw links in facebook...all about diz defamation n bad comments bout my bro...right in TARC page in photos...i was like damn shocked...i knew he was a playboy but i didnt expect his name 2 b dat rili KOTOR...i was rili disapointed wit his actions...wat he had done in d past...n i realized he didnt changed a bit...he said all his ex had problems n wudnt negotiate wit him...but i realized d real problem is him...not them...dey were all innocent...n he was d 1 actually addicted 2 'dat'..i knew wat happened cuz i was staying at his place but i didnt mind actually...i didnt care...cuz it wasnt my business...

but wen i saw those links n read those blogs n forum i was like dumbfounded...i didnt expect him 2 do those..he looked so nice n gud boy n all dat n suddenly doz links jz pop out like dat in front of me...wen i read dem..i was in deep shock...in my mind i was like no way diz cn b my bro...wen i read d blogs properly...it was rili him...his name stated der so clearly wit his car plate number n his address..it was definitely my bro...itz him all d while...omg...i duno y he wud do such a thing...he ever told me once bout his life story...bout a gal who got all crazy bout him n desperately wanted him...but d blog...itz like telling d same story but d other way round...d blog said he drugged her drink n took her virginity away n juz left her bleeding wit rashes...omg...i was shocked...was he really dat cruel?or shud i say inhumane?

OMG!!!

i cnt believe all diz...n im like facing him everyday of my life...studio n all dat...huh...nw i knw y many ppl hated him n his attitude...some girls might knw d real facts of him n wodnt fall 4 him odi...but stil der r stil many innocent gals out der pounded by him i guess...all of dem...innocent...n dey didnt knw wat was his history n wat he's gonna do...sweet talk? flirt?

he ever did dat all 2 me...but luckily i wasnt flattered cuz he wasnt my type n he knew im really choosy in guys...luckily i didnt fell in2 his trap...

thank god...

ps: 2 all gals...plz find ur rights n guys plz respect d ppl around u especially gals...TQ

good girl gone bad?

mmm...
eversince i came 2 KL i started sleeping rili late weh...
lama2 cn b nite gui liao...hahax
my bro's grand opening was a success but stil ders a few part he's not satisfied..but it wasnt dat obvious la...
i was suppose 2 perform but eventually i got a sorethroat so i cnt sing 2 high pitch...
n yeah wen d ceremony ended...contiue 2nd round drink with comittee memberz...until 3am+...geng...den go play pool until 4.30am..walaoneh...damn tired but had fun la
2day my bo organized a BBQ at his studio specially for comitttee memberz...
siu kai yit...xixi
n lotsa beers...i wanted d shiraz merlot but finish odi...i prefer red wine den beer...much smoother n milder...lolx...
1 of dem got drunk n vomited ><
i kinda got drunk 2 but rested awhile n recovered..."yamcha" until 5am+ weh...d time wer every1 got up 2 go jogging...hahax
after dat kemas2 n went home...but stil cnt slp...mayb i rested 2 much jz nw..n nw my bro slping like pig odi..hahax...itz obvious dat he's tired...luckily 2mr no cls...cn wake up a lil late....xixi...
2mr gotta clean up da studio n help out at studio...haix...tired la...but hv 2..sigh
kelian my bro 2....
haix
gotta go oioi ler..nitez..2mr nd 2 pump up energy T.T

My New Life...

I knew my life would change tremendously as soon as i step in KL...

i left my part time job n decided 2 further my studies in KL TARCollege....

taking graphic design n thnk god i managed 2 get a scholarship so it wont be 2 much of a burden 2 me....

temporarily staying at my bro eric's hse...

things changed so fast n i've seen quite a few scenes dat r hard 2 b described....

d 1st time i visited my bro's studio i was like wow...cool...

n frm dat day onwards i started helping my bro...whatever dat needs 2 b done at d studio...

i dun mind helping out...he's been taking rili gud care of me...i felt guilty...so nice 2 hv him...like a father taking care of a daughter...hahax

mm...a few days past n skul started...

holy u will nvr imagine hw boring it is...i almost slept at mass call orientation day...2nd day was even worse...i kp listening 2 their announcements n rules until i rili did fell aslp...but luckily d lecturer didnt notice...or perhaps no one noticed...hahax

3rd day was society day...d day wer i've gotta choose my academic n non-academic groups...i wanted 2 join d music n choir society...eric said music wont b a regret...so i registered 4 it...he even asked me 2 try out 4 d SWC related 2 student welfare...well i didnt expect dem 2 hv an interview...but luckily it wont b 2day...probably another day or something..hahax

i didnt dare 2 enter 2 much..im afraid dat my schedle might b packed..i'd rather help out at da studio..

it is like day by day i cn c lots of my bro's secrets...

his life, career n most shocking r his past relationships....

hoho...sounds kinda like a playboy but im not sure if he is o nt...i admit i stil dun quite understand him as well as his ex...

itz like his life is full of girls...facebook n reality...holy...fans n admirers...u cn even name dem...eventhough im nt him oso i pening owh...lolx...

but u cn c dat he focuses more on his studio n career den d girls...u cn c dat he cn even ignore dem...

talented n funny bro...he made a gud choice of focusing on his career 1st in his mindset...wen he's stable wit his career ody den he'll think bout da relationships..

gud luck bro...ders jz 2 many fishes out der...bless eu dat u will find a responsible n loyal gf dat has no problem in communication wit eu... =3

as 4 me...no comment...i guess skul is 1st....if i do well in skul...career is not a problem...wat i nd nw is jz time...time is precious...i wonder wat wil happen if assignments r starting 2 rade our minds till dey get all blocked up or something...

sigh...

may all blessings b wit eu al.... =3

confusion..

Time past so fast....

itz nearly d month of May...

im working part time at upperstar a western restaurant...im at d morning shift but sometimes it feels like im working d morning nite shift..everytime i got bk frm work..my whole body ached..tired but worth d experience =3

many things happened diz few days...

i met bk wit andrew n he introduced me 2 a fren name stanley...

we hang out like omos everyday eversince den...

well andrew didnt changed much in his character but changed alot physically..hahax..

a few weeks ltr...stanley told me he likes me..gasp

dat was cute of him but at dat time i wasnt ready 2 b in a realtionship...

he was super nice n i cn c dat he's rili loyal n all dat...he's kinda cute in a way..but still my heart is still under a heartbroken condition...

eversince my ex came bk everything omos changed...at 1st he told me hates me n wanted a break...but nw..i dun get it...my ex told me he wanted a rekindle n regretted wat he said b4...i was in deep shock though..i didnt expext dat respond...but i didnt put dat in mind...

it made me even more confuse of our status...i realize i didnt wanna hurt myself badly again so i reconfirm our relationship status 2 jz stay as bestfrenz...he kept silent but still calls me dear...i assume he got used 2 calling me dat...but still he tells me dat he still misses me...

i cnt do anything...i cnt hate...all i cn do is jz treat him as a fren who needs company...but i rather hang out wit stanley...he's much more of a calm n steady person...he's not doz type who throws tantrum..

im not sure wat i did...all i knw is dat everytime stanley asked me 4 a chance itz oways not d rite time...i rejected him..n yeah i knw it hurts him...2 tell d truth i do kinda like him...nvr a guy ever treated me dat nice n humble b4...i realized im not perfect enuf 4 him...im scared dat i might hurt him 1 day cuz he's jz 2 nice...n im like d opposite of him...although he denies it...but still i feel guilty...im jz not ready....i actually thought he cud wait till my heart heals...but 2 late he found someone dat he loves already...

i was shock at 1st n confused...cuz i still rmb dat he said he wanna wait..he's nw with clover...he told he had a choice of either 2 b with me or clover when he wanted 2 ask a chance frm me..after i rejected him he told me he started with clover...hell yeah i was shocked..

lukz like i dun nd 2 wait anymore..it shows dat we both hv no fate since he chose dat path of being with her...it was rili sweet 2 c dem both 2gather =3 like 2 birds pirching on a tree chirping all day long...i wonder when will dat b my turn? i wonder if i might find my mr right? i hope destiny cud lead diz path of mine...i wish everything wud turned out fine...although im stil under confusion but i guessed working might stop me from thinking 2 much..

sigh..

A memory to remember..

I still remember the days wer we oways hang out on d bench at a playground near our apartments..dat is d time wer we oways share our pasts...our stories...wat happened in our lives before we ended up 2gather...n oso our interests..
I still remember d 1st time we met at easy way..
wait dat wasnt d 1st time we met...
d 1st time we met was at blackrock..
we were oni tables away..
i oways c u around dat time...n i stil remember u ever told me dat u oways knew wich 1 was me...u knew i oways hang out there... i smiled =)
dat time i didnt knw dat u worked at easy way until i saw u wearing one of their uniforms..
i didnt know wich shift u were in until 1 day my frenz ask 2 have a drink at easy way..den at dat time i knew ur at d morning shift..
but so sad my frenz didnt turn up...so i drank my drinks all on my own =)
from that day onwards i fell in love with their milk pudding milk tea..n he knew i oways ordered dat =)
on dat day onwards we chat alot n became quite gud frenz..tru sms...tru chatz..n ended up 2gather..ahahax i also stil remember d part wer we wnt 2 cp n u rili rili wanted dat pair of shoes..n we bought some shoe laces to match up our shoes...but in d end u used up 2 two black metallic laces..while mine was in black n purple..
i still remember i will oways buy breakfast for u or buy snacks for u in case u get hungry...i still remember dat time i oways scared u get hungry...u cant imagine how skinny he is...mcm tulang =) hahax..but still i love him for d way he is...
and i will oways remember d nitez wer we hv our dinner 2gather at ur house after work..n how we oways play at d playstation..vs at naruto..sometimes i even help u 2 continue ur journey n we oways vs each other...ahahax...n u ah everynite oways wan milo or nescafe de..if not u cant sleep de...
but...
the most memorable day was d last day before i leave for my plkn... 2/1/2010 8pm onwards..
it was a sad day but happiest day of my life with him 2...
we spend our most valueable time at d bench at d park...holding hands..sitting right next to each other..we cant stop talking n chatting at dat time...ahahax...derz so much 2 express at dat time n i still remembered i almost cried..but i tahan..we havent got enough so we did something silly...we walk d whole beverly hills phase 2! from d front 2 d back n d back 2 d front...while holding hands.. =)
n we arrived back 2 da playground..we sat on d see saw 2gather...dat time u were smsing n i keep shaking u...hahahax..we continued walking n talking n on music on our handphones...it was a romantic nite...wen we luk at d time it was almost 12am..it was time 2 go back home...i still remember u teman me go back home n at d stairs u were hugging me so tightly wishing dat i wudnt go dat fast...but we had no choice..it was sad 2 let go off ur hands at dat time..wen i arrived home..i cried in my sleep..i still remember we were stil smsing on our hp..
u said 'god oways take away d person dat i love'...i replied u 'take it as a challenge'..u agreed..it was so hard 2 let go at dat time since i've been so close 2 u..but now everything has changed..i wonder is it me who has changed or is it u?
early d next morning...i quickly rush out 2 buy breakfast 4 u...ur favourite lo mai kai n a can of coca cola...i cant reach u so i put d fud in d letter box hoping dat u wud find it after i inform u tru sms...but by d time u woke up oredi n replied my sms...im odi in d car on d way 2 stadium likas...going 2 plkn soon...time past so fast at dat time...i was crying in my heart...i cant let my frenz n mum c me dat way...i dun wan 2 leave d person dat i love all diz while...but stil u ask me 2 b strong n face d challenges...so i wiped of d tears n went on with my journey...i decided 2 take it as a challenge 2..we both agreed...u stil sms me even im stil at d airport..n even wen i arrived...i was touched...u were so concerned of me at dat time...wen d teachers confiscated my hp...i called u using d public phone almost everynite..i missed u so mush at dat time...i missed ur smile n d moments wer we oways share so much 2gather...
but as time goes by...ur mood started 2 get moodier...sometimes u even told me dat u dun hv da mood 2 talk 2 me...i wonder y...i though mayb it was just ur mood swings...but it turned out worse...n wenever i got bk my hp...u hardly msg me odi..especially wen i got bk...u nvr cared bout me anymore..u never find me anymore...itz oways me who smses u 1st...itz like ur feelings 2wards me change odi...i keep asking myself wats going on? n i found d answer...u got closer 2 some1 else odi..her name is oso M..u kept commenting her photos n her status in fb..but when i sms u u said u r nw bz got things 2 do or watching tv...it is like u nvr wanted me part of ur life anymore...it is like i am a bug in ur life...i feel so hurt
until 1 day jared called me in d afternun n said diz few stuffz bout u n diz girl..i didnt knw dat all diz while jared was making up doz storied n i instantly believe wat he said..i got angry n i 4got dat i was under pms n we 3 got into a big fight n misunderstanding..
i still remember d msg dat u send 2 me dat u loved her more den me...dat eversince i went 2 plkn u nvr loved me anymore...i was so hurt at dat time...i feel like being used as a toy..2 just entertain u wenenver u r oni bored..i wonder y? y do u hv 2 treat me like diz? n u told me dat u hated me already...i knew dat would happen cuz i ruin u n dat gal...if u loved me u would never said dat...but diz odi proofs dat u nvr loved me...den wat am i?
i keep asking myself wat am i 2 u?....
but now...
everything is gone oredi...
i lost u in d end...im sori
wil u ever 4gve me?
but diz love...i dun think it is worth continueing..cuz he doesnt love me anymore...wat d use?
n all is left is these sweet n happy memories..
I will cherish n will oways remember OUR happy moments 2gather..
i know u nw hv difficulty in finding job n u ever told me dat a sensei ever said dat diz year wud b ur unlucky yr..
dear junior, believe in urself n dun 100% trust wat ppl said...it is ur life...n it is u who is goin 2 decide ur future...not dem...i will oways pray dat u will find a perfect career dat suits u best n high salary...i believe in u cuz i know u r not doz type dat wil gv up easily..but i knw u r doz type dat is willing 2 face d challenges in life...u r nt afraid of bitter..i admire diz side of u..whenever u face a challenge it means dat ur success id coming soon...believe in urself n believe in god =) god is oways der 2 help u n hint u a path 2wards ur future =)
have faith n oways be strong yea..i will oways remember u as d person dat i have oways loved..i appreciate ur love dat u hv given me before any of these happened..i nvr regretted being with u..
i will oways miss u..take care
I love you
from : Miyuki Xiao Mao

itz over...

itz over....
blame it on me...
i knew i started it 1st....
but itz for ur own gud....
im sori i made u angry....datz d oni way 2 make u hate me...i cnt bear 2 hate u...so i did it d other way round...i dun care hw u think of me nw...i just wan 2 end my suffer wen being with u...i feel like being used...im sori im not ur doormat...go find some1 else...im not fit 4 u...i deserve better n not some1 who oni thinks about himself....i cared n sacrificed so much 4 u...but diz is wat i get it d end...thx so much 4 d pain...n i knew i gave u a kinda pain in d other way round...i knw it hurts...if not u wil nvr know d pain im sufferring wen u r standing at my place...wat do u knw?
nothing.....
u knw nothing...i knew so much...but 'dem'?dey knew nothing...i dun care if u wan 2 compare cuz derz a difference...i knw everything but dey know nothing...datz da difference...if i know nothing i'll be as stupid as dem...falling in2 ur trap n lies...i wonder hw many times u hv lied 2 me odi...i wonder hw many other gals out der u hv dated behind me?i wonder hw many times u hv used me?
u cant answer me...n if u ask me i will nvr asnwer u...i hv sufferred for 3 months+ eversince b4 camp started...n all u ever think is urself...u wanted me 2 b loyal n said u trusted me...u cn trust me...but cn i trust u?no...look wat u did?i regretted i trusted u...u did so many things behind me...n im just left like a carpet lying on d floor...u lied so much..i feel like an idiot..tell me..wat wrong hv i done?answer me?huh...no use...u will nvr give me a proper answer...
im disapointed u told me dat ur love 2wards me fade eversince i went 2 camp...u said u loved M more den me...i was devastated..so hurt dat in d end u admit doz words out...thx 4 being honest with me...atleast nw i hv d heart 2 let u go..we cn oni b frenz...we cnt b 2gather...i dun wan 2 b da victim again...
u oways gv excuses 2 my answerz...b4 u say anything...y dun u try standing in my place 1st...feel it 1st b4 u gv ur comment..all diz while u were playing with me..using me..u werent serious with me...i felt cheated...ur words....so poisonous...i cnt trust u anymore...
just let diz b d end of us both...we hv no fate...i dun wan 2 say anything...i will not tell u diz face 2 face...i wan u 2 find diz out urself....i hv odi been a big fool...i dun wanna b another big stupid fool...thx 4 giving me chance 2 feel diz deep pain...
but no matter wat...i will treasure d moments wen im with u...throw d bitter but keep da sweet...i admit der r moments dat im happy being with u...but 2bad we ended up in diz way...lets just 4get it..i'll go my way n u'll go urz...i'll pray dat u will find ur happiness n success in ur career...but no matter wat happens i will nvr hate u...we're just meant 2 b frenz...
take care n god bless my fren...may all blessings b with eu...

Im back ^^

wohoo....!!!
Im back....
AT LAST!!!!
I miz home so badly...n sheeesh i will nvr 4get d xperience in d national service...though dey r lotz of happenings der...derz juz 2 much 2 describe n tell bout wat happened der...but still...itz a wonderful xperience...
I realized 1 thing...d medic weighed me n i added 2 kg...i freaked out of course >< weights ="="...after">
n another bad news...my face got worse >< size="4">hideous..
in fact i got compliments dat i didnt get rili tan n dark after camp...well der is a story behind dat fact...d coaches would freak out whenever I turn red under d sun...thingking itz a skin allergy n tot I might get worse n bloth up...so i was given the privilege 2 stand or sit under a tree during any activity...well of course some activities weren't advised 2 join due 2 my skin probz...so der...haix...atleast i maintained my skin texture n colour...i don wanna go negro wen i gt bk...
thk god !!
i felt so relieved wen i arrived at d airport...i got so excited n i cnt wait 2 get bk home at dat time...i was filled with adrenaline...i cnt stop smiling...(i look like an idiot though) == I was so happy 2 c my mum...she grew prettier through da days...was glad 2...we had dinner 2gather at d golden lion...i dun care if itz just a simple meal but it sure is great 2 hv dinner with my mum once again...
during da camp, i learnt how 2 play da 3x3 rubic cube...but stil i havent mastered d last formula...it was kinda long though...but atleast i learnt something...i bought a cube at 7 eleven laz nite n started playing it...my mum was astonished wen she saw me assembling it...lolx...
I got my results yesterday
it was dramatic....
i got 3 A+, 3 A, 2 A- & 2 B+ ...whew..8A's 2B's..well atleast i still cn get scholarship with dat gradez...but stil im not satisfies T.T uhuk...mayb i didnt worked hard enuf...i expected 10A's...but sheesh it was hard 2 score...haix...nvm...itz all over...itz da past...i shud b grateful though...
I got a B for moral studies n commerce...i expected accounts 2 get B...I think itz fair for moral studies cuz im oways stuck at dat grade...but not for account! during my trials i never scored A's for account...not even my forecast results...dey gave me a B...n during da exam...i freaked out of course...it was sooooo damn hard...i almost cried my heart out...i knew i had no hope at dat time...i skipped 2 questionz n i cnt even stabilise d amount...none of my answers were correct...i was disapointed 2 c dat I oni managed 2 fill 2 piece of paper while my frenz can fill up a book...i didnt wanna gv up hope at dat time so i scibbled formulas instead..thinking dat it might fill up my papers instead of making it look thin n empty...
n voila...an A for my account...one word for it > UNBELIEVABLE!! but thk god...accounts r more important den commerce...but hell...i took lotz of my time 2 study commerce but it didnt pay well...mayb d graph was either high or d marking scheme was strict...ouch...wat a shame...but stil...i shud b grateful 2 get such a grade...
I stil remembered i had a nitemare...i dreamt dat i oni scored 2A's...i cried in my dream...but in reality...wohoo...it was supposed 2 b dat B's...itz a reciprocal...hahax...
derz so many thing happening around me once i got back here eventhogh itz just a few days..taking my results, getting back with my mum, hanging out with frenz n yeah..relationship crisis...
all I knw nw is I felt like a spare tyre...he said no I wasnt..but two timing shows da evidence...1st it was B, den C n nw M...I hv no idea wat 2 do...shud I leave?or just wait?I cant bear da pain anymore...he doesnt knw how I feel...n i dun wan him 2 knw...wats da use of loving a guy wen his heart is not on u but half heartedly?wat a shame...I shouldnt b treated dat way...he's not worth it...I was always left alone...he's always busy doin his stuff...n nw we hardly communicate already..n he got even closer 2 M..I guess Im just a light bulb getting in his way...mayb without me...his life wud b better..no nd 2 fan him so much...besides im not a gud gf..we always quarrelled...whenever im in a mood 2 talk 2 him...he oways gv me excuses saying he's not in a mood...a party crasher...ouch...i realized im juzt wasting my time...mayb he is more fit 2 b with M...mayb cuz she is stil young n happy go lucky...while im more 2 da serious n mysterious type...he in fact became more moody diz few days...i duno wat 2 do mend da relationship...he cnt mend it...he never made d effort...he never did...i cnt c it...if he rili loved me...he wud make d effort 2 mend d cracks n nvr let go off my hands...but no...he just lays back...waiting for a miracle?i duno bout him...im just wasting my precious time...I wanna special memory n some appreciation...but 2 bad im just a spare tyre...entertaining him wen he oni needs some1 2 chat or 2 comfort...we're losing d sparks...he didnt realized it...i tried mending it...but itz no use...my heart tired ler...time for my hear t 2 hv a long rest...think da positive sides n rather focus on my future goals instead...
im out ~