silence is gold?

im nt sure if it's a gud idea 2 tell it out here...
i knw he doesnt read my blog...jz a guess but datz wat i assume so i guess im gonna write it all here...
but izit a gud choice? i duno...i've been feeling rili weird diz few dayz...not jz my mood but feelingz...
im nt sure...i havent told any1 yet...nt a single soul...i knw some ppl might think itz some1 close 2 me or perhaps my past...but maybe both of it might not b it...
i duno hw 2 express it...all i knw is whenever im alone or walking alone or doin watever alone...i will start thinking bout it...
i've oways asked myself whether it might happen or nt?
will it EVER happen?
i hate diz feeling...i duno y i hate being left alone diz few days...i duno y all of a sudden diz happened...
sometimes my eyes wud jz prick a tear or wud day dream all of a sudden...
i knew diz isnt deppression...i had dat once n it didnt felt like diz...but diz was different...
i assume most of d ppl reading diz wud nt understand wat im trying 2 say...becuz i havent told any1 about diz...
hw long cn i smile like diz? hw long will it take 2 get bk? hw long? n y?
i've oways wished 4 a respond from you...but...nt even a reply...im not even sure whether i might get 2 share so much n meet u again...i decided 2 leave d circle...i wasnt meant 2 b in it...i wasnt supposed 2 b....im nt part of it...im d oddest...yeah i am...
i had diz feeling dat... dat it wud nt happen...wat i've dreamt...n wat i've imagines...silly me...itz jz an imagination n im already thinking dat way...psycho ==
maybe....maybe i shud jz stay silent...do my own stuff...no no no nt mourning..itz jz...jz trying 2 make myself 2 4get diz feelings....
becuz...
i've fallen...
i fell...
n itz hard 2 describe diz heart beating stuff...
im sori i was weird...n day by day...sigh...
i was a nuisance i was a pain i was a chatterbox...i talked too much...y cnt i jz zip it...omg
i've ruined myself...
i was right...i shouldnt tell...i've made diz mistake before...n i thought being honest wud hv itz positive effects...not...it turned out way bad...freaked out...
1st mistake...nvr a 2nd...i dun wan dat 2 happen again...
i vow nvr 2 tell...unless...if u ask...only u...i wont answer any1 except u...but...it all depends...2nd mistake...how long will dat occur?
n wen will be it?
hw i wish i cud jz predict d future...so i'd knw wat might happen...but life wudnt b fair like dat...i knw god hv his own way of leading our lives...
im trying 2 believe it...trying 2 smile...trying 2 stop diz tearz..
n i hope...dat 1 day u will b d 1 who will catch diz tearz of mine...b der 2 be my warmth n shelter...n 2 b d apple of my eye...
d 1 n only...
no 1 will understand n no 1 cud guess...if u happen 2 read diz...i dun think u might itz u...i dun think u might know wat im trying 2 tell...like i said im weird...stupid...a pin in d neck...a nuisance...a freak...
i jz wish i cud tell u diz...but i cnt...ur expressions...u oways dun luk happy 2 c me around...u're oways busy...n u sound annoyed...
i duno y...i jz hv diz feeling but im nt sure if itz true cuz i've oways had diz 6th sense n im oways asking myslf whther i shud trust it o nt...
no wonder silence is gold....
n i will kp 2 dat...
vowed...
im out ~