A memory to remember..

I still remember the days wer we oways hang out on d bench at a playground near our apartments..dat is d time wer we oways share our pasts...our stories...wat happened in our lives before we ended up 2gather...n oso our interests..
I still remember d 1st time we met at easy way..
wait dat wasnt d 1st time we met...
d 1st time we met was at blackrock..
we were oni tables away..
i oways c u around dat time...n i stil remember u ever told me dat u oways knew wich 1 was me...u knew i oways hang out there... i smiled =)
dat time i didnt knw dat u worked at easy way until i saw u wearing one of their uniforms..
i didnt know wich shift u were in until 1 day my frenz ask 2 have a drink at easy way..den at dat time i knew ur at d morning shift..
but so sad my frenz didnt turn up...so i drank my drinks all on my own =)
from that day onwards i fell in love with their milk pudding milk tea..n he knew i oways ordered dat =)
on dat day onwards we chat alot n became quite gud frenz..tru sms...tru chatz..n ended up 2gather..ahahax i also stil remember d part wer we wnt 2 cp n u rili rili wanted dat pair of shoes..n we bought some shoe laces to match up our shoes...but in d end u used up 2 two black metallic laces..while mine was in black n purple..
i still remember i will oways buy breakfast for u or buy snacks for u in case u get hungry...i still remember dat time i oways scared u get hungry...u cant imagine how skinny he is...mcm tulang =) hahax..but still i love him for d way he is...
and i will oways remember d nitez wer we hv our dinner 2gather at ur house after work..n how we oways play at d playstation..vs at naruto..sometimes i even help u 2 continue ur journey n we oways vs each other...ahahax...n u ah everynite oways wan milo or nescafe de..if not u cant sleep de...
but...
the most memorable day was d last day before i leave for my plkn... 2/1/2010 8pm onwards..
it was a sad day but happiest day of my life with him 2...
we spend our most valueable time at d bench at d park...holding hands..sitting right next to each other..we cant stop talking n chatting at dat time...ahahax...derz so much 2 express at dat time n i still remembered i almost cried..but i tahan..we havent got enough so we did something silly...we walk d whole beverly hills phase 2! from d front 2 d back n d back 2 d front...while holding hands.. =)
n we arrived back 2 da playground..we sat on d see saw 2gather...dat time u were smsing n i keep shaking u...hahahax..we continued walking n talking n on music on our handphones...it was a romantic nite...wen we luk at d time it was almost 12am..it was time 2 go back home...i still remember u teman me go back home n at d stairs u were hugging me so tightly wishing dat i wudnt go dat fast...but we had no choice..it was sad 2 let go off ur hands at dat time..wen i arrived home..i cried in my sleep..i still remember we were stil smsing on our hp..
u said 'god oways take away d person dat i love'...i replied u 'take it as a challenge'..u agreed..it was so hard 2 let go at dat time since i've been so close 2 u..but now everything has changed..i wonder is it me who has changed or is it u?
early d next morning...i quickly rush out 2 buy breakfast 4 u...ur favourite lo mai kai n a can of coca cola...i cant reach u so i put d fud in d letter box hoping dat u wud find it after i inform u tru sms...but by d time u woke up oredi n replied my sms...im odi in d car on d way 2 stadium likas...going 2 plkn soon...time past so fast at dat time...i was crying in my heart...i cant let my frenz n mum c me dat way...i dun wan 2 leave d person dat i love all diz while...but stil u ask me 2 b strong n face d challenges...so i wiped of d tears n went on with my journey...i decided 2 take it as a challenge 2..we both agreed...u stil sms me even im stil at d airport..n even wen i arrived...i was touched...u were so concerned of me at dat time...wen d teachers confiscated my hp...i called u using d public phone almost everynite..i missed u so mush at dat time...i missed ur smile n d moments wer we oways share so much 2gather...
but as time goes by...ur mood started 2 get moodier...sometimes u even told me dat u dun hv da mood 2 talk 2 me...i wonder y...i though mayb it was just ur mood swings...but it turned out worse...n wenever i got bk my hp...u hardly msg me odi..especially wen i got bk...u nvr cared bout me anymore..u never find me anymore...itz oways me who smses u 1st...itz like ur feelings 2wards me change odi...i keep asking myself wats going on? n i found d answer...u got closer 2 some1 else odi..her name is oso M..u kept commenting her photos n her status in fb..but when i sms u u said u r nw bz got things 2 do or watching tv...it is like u nvr wanted me part of ur life anymore...it is like i am a bug in ur life...i feel so hurt
until 1 day jared called me in d afternun n said diz few stuffz bout u n diz girl..i didnt knw dat all diz while jared was making up doz storied n i instantly believe wat he said..i got angry n i 4got dat i was under pms n we 3 got into a big fight n misunderstanding..
i still remember d msg dat u send 2 me dat u loved her more den me...dat eversince i went 2 plkn u nvr loved me anymore...i was so hurt at dat time...i feel like being used as a toy..2 just entertain u wenenver u r oni bored..i wonder y? y do u hv 2 treat me like diz? n u told me dat u hated me already...i knew dat would happen cuz i ruin u n dat gal...if u loved me u would never said dat...but diz odi proofs dat u nvr loved me...den wat am i?
i keep asking myself wat am i 2 u?....
but now...
everything is gone oredi...
i lost u in d end...im sori
wil u ever 4gve me?
but diz love...i dun think it is worth continueing..cuz he doesnt love me anymore...wat d use?
n all is left is these sweet n happy memories..
I will cherish n will oways remember OUR happy moments 2gather..
i know u nw hv difficulty in finding job n u ever told me dat a sensei ever said dat diz year wud b ur unlucky yr..
dear junior, believe in urself n dun 100% trust wat ppl said...it is ur life...n it is u who is goin 2 decide ur future...not dem...i will oways pray dat u will find a perfect career dat suits u best n high salary...i believe in u cuz i know u r not doz type dat wil gv up easily..but i knw u r doz type dat is willing 2 face d challenges in life...u r nt afraid of bitter..i admire diz side of u..whenever u face a challenge it means dat ur success id coming soon...believe in urself n believe in god =) god is oways der 2 help u n hint u a path 2wards ur future =)
have faith n oways be strong yea..i will oways remember u as d person dat i have oways loved..i appreciate ur love dat u hv given me before any of these happened..i nvr regretted being with u..
i will oways miss u..take care
I love you
from : Miyuki Xiao Mao

itz over...

itz over....
blame it on me...
i knew i started it 1st....
but itz for ur own gud....
im sori i made u angry....datz d oni way 2 make u hate me...i cnt bear 2 hate u...so i did it d other way round...i dun care hw u think of me nw...i just wan 2 end my suffer wen being with u...i feel like being used...im sori im not ur doormat...go find some1 else...im not fit 4 u...i deserve better n not some1 who oni thinks about himself....i cared n sacrificed so much 4 u...but diz is wat i get it d end...thx so much 4 d pain...n i knew i gave u a kinda pain in d other way round...i knw it hurts...if not u wil nvr know d pain im sufferring wen u r standing at my place...wat do u knw?
nothing.....
u knw nothing...i knew so much...but 'dem'?dey knew nothing...i dun care if u wan 2 compare cuz derz a difference...i knw everything but dey know nothing...datz da difference...if i know nothing i'll be as stupid as dem...falling in2 ur trap n lies...i wonder hw many times u hv lied 2 me odi...i wonder hw many other gals out der u hv dated behind me?i wonder hw many times u hv used me?
u cant answer me...n if u ask me i will nvr asnwer u...i hv sufferred for 3 months+ eversince b4 camp started...n all u ever think is urself...u wanted me 2 b loyal n said u trusted me...u cn trust me...but cn i trust u?no...look wat u did?i regretted i trusted u...u did so many things behind me...n im just left like a carpet lying on d floor...u lied so much..i feel like an idiot..tell me..wat wrong hv i done?answer me?huh...no use...u will nvr give me a proper answer...
im disapointed u told me dat ur love 2wards me fade eversince i went 2 camp...u said u loved M more den me...i was devastated..so hurt dat in d end u admit doz words out...thx 4 being honest with me...atleast nw i hv d heart 2 let u go..we cn oni b frenz...we cnt b 2gather...i dun wan 2 b da victim again...
u oways gv excuses 2 my answerz...b4 u say anything...y dun u try standing in my place 1st...feel it 1st b4 u gv ur comment..all diz while u were playing with me..using me..u werent serious with me...i felt cheated...ur words....so poisonous...i cnt trust u anymore...
just let diz b d end of us both...we hv no fate...i dun wan 2 say anything...i will not tell u diz face 2 face...i wan u 2 find diz out urself....i hv odi been a big fool...i dun wanna b another big stupid fool...thx 4 giving me chance 2 feel diz deep pain...
but no matter wat...i will treasure d moments wen im with u...throw d bitter but keep da sweet...i admit der r moments dat im happy being with u...but 2bad we ended up in diz way...lets just 4get it..i'll go my way n u'll go urz...i'll pray dat u will find ur happiness n success in ur career...but no matter wat happens i will nvr hate u...we're just meant 2 b frenz...
take care n god bless my fren...may all blessings b with eu...

Im back ^^

wohoo....!!!
Im back....
AT LAST!!!!
I miz home so badly...n sheeesh i will nvr 4get d xperience in d national service...though dey r lotz of happenings der...derz juz 2 much 2 describe n tell bout wat happened der...but still...itz a wonderful xperience...
I realized 1 thing...d medic weighed me n i added 2 kg...i freaked out of course >< weights ="="...after">
n another bad news...my face got worse >< size="4">hideous..
in fact i got compliments dat i didnt get rili tan n dark after camp...well der is a story behind dat fact...d coaches would freak out whenever I turn red under d sun...thingking itz a skin allergy n tot I might get worse n bloth up...so i was given the privilege 2 stand or sit under a tree during any activity...well of course some activities weren't advised 2 join due 2 my skin probz...so der...haix...atleast i maintained my skin texture n colour...i don wanna go negro wen i gt bk...
thk god !!
i felt so relieved wen i arrived at d airport...i got so excited n i cnt wait 2 get bk home at dat time...i was filled with adrenaline...i cnt stop smiling...(i look like an idiot though) == I was so happy 2 c my mum...she grew prettier through da days...was glad 2...we had dinner 2gather at d golden lion...i dun care if itz just a simple meal but it sure is great 2 hv dinner with my mum once again...
during da camp, i learnt how 2 play da 3x3 rubic cube...but stil i havent mastered d last formula...it was kinda long though...but atleast i learnt something...i bought a cube at 7 eleven laz nite n started playing it...my mum was astonished wen she saw me assembling it...lolx...
I got my results yesterday
it was dramatic....
i got 3 A+, 3 A, 2 A- & 2 B+ ...whew..8A's 2B's..well atleast i still cn get scholarship with dat gradez...but stil im not satisfies T.T uhuk...mayb i didnt worked hard enuf...i expected 10A's...but sheesh it was hard 2 score...haix...nvm...itz all over...itz da past...i shud b grateful though...
I got a B for moral studies n commerce...i expected accounts 2 get B...I think itz fair for moral studies cuz im oways stuck at dat grade...but not for account! during my trials i never scored A's for account...not even my forecast results...dey gave me a B...n during da exam...i freaked out of course...it was sooooo damn hard...i almost cried my heart out...i knew i had no hope at dat time...i skipped 2 questionz n i cnt even stabilise d amount...none of my answers were correct...i was disapointed 2 c dat I oni managed 2 fill 2 piece of paper while my frenz can fill up a book...i didnt wanna gv up hope at dat time so i scibbled formulas instead..thinking dat it might fill up my papers instead of making it look thin n empty...
n voila...an A for my account...one word for it > UNBELIEVABLE!! but thk god...accounts r more important den commerce...but hell...i took lotz of my time 2 study commerce but it didnt pay well...mayb d graph was either high or d marking scheme was strict...ouch...wat a shame...but stil...i shud b grateful 2 get such a grade...
I stil remembered i had a nitemare...i dreamt dat i oni scored 2A's...i cried in my dream...but in reality...wohoo...it was supposed 2 b dat B's...itz a reciprocal...hahax...
derz so many thing happening around me once i got back here eventhogh itz just a few days..taking my results, getting back with my mum, hanging out with frenz n yeah..relationship crisis...
all I knw nw is I felt like a spare tyre...he said no I wasnt..but two timing shows da evidence...1st it was B, den C n nw M...I hv no idea wat 2 do...shud I leave?or just wait?I cant bear da pain anymore...he doesnt knw how I feel...n i dun wan him 2 knw...wats da use of loving a guy wen his heart is not on u but half heartedly?wat a shame...I shouldnt b treated dat way...he's not worth it...I was always left alone...he's always busy doin his stuff...n nw we hardly communicate already..n he got even closer 2 M..I guess Im just a light bulb getting in his way...mayb without me...his life wud b better..no nd 2 fan him so much...besides im not a gud gf..we always quarrelled...whenever im in a mood 2 talk 2 him...he oways gv me excuses saying he's not in a mood...a party crasher...ouch...i realized im juzt wasting my time...mayb he is more fit 2 b with M...mayb cuz she is stil young n happy go lucky...while im more 2 da serious n mysterious type...he in fact became more moody diz few days...i duno wat 2 do mend da relationship...he cnt mend it...he never made d effort...he never did...i cnt c it...if he rili loved me...he wud make d effort 2 mend d cracks n nvr let go off my hands...but no...he just lays back...waiting for a miracle?i duno bout him...im just wasting my precious time...I wanna special memory n some appreciation...but 2 bad im just a spare tyre...entertaining him wen he oni needs some1 2 chat or 2 comfort...we're losing d sparks...he didnt realized it...i tried mending it...but itz no use...my heart tired ler...time for my hear t 2 hv a long rest...think da positive sides n rather focus on my future goals instead...
im out ~