it hurts......

i wish i'd knew what i was doing...
i missed you so much...
i cnt live without u calling me baka...i got used 2 it dy...in fact...i dont mind
but it seems as if what im doing ain't blooming ><
i know its dumb but whenever u tag me cute pictures of catz...i feel so touched...no one has ever done dat b4...i think itz cute although itz jz a simple gesture...
u were always there for me when i was bored or feeling down...u would show me funny videos to cheer me up...you would even tease me...
n in d end i had feelings towards u...n i even admitted to u...
but...
you still missed your ex...when i asked if u had a chance to get bk wit her...u said u will...my heart crumbled...
n dat day i was sick...u told me u were worried n u cared...when i was feeling down...u were worried what happened to me...
my ex kept looking for me...n i felt terrified n scared...i felt hurt at d same time...cnt stop crying...
n when i thought of u...tears dropped even more...
im nt sure whether i was doing the right thing...whether i made d right decision that i chose you...
i kp asking myself everyday...
cuz...i wasnt d 1 in ur heart right now...i understand dat...i told myself that im gonna give you more time...i knw hw u feel...i felt like dat b4...time can only heal...
n i dont knw hw itz going 2 end up...
i wish all d best to you...
im sorry for saying sorry to you...
i dont knw y...i jz felt guilty for telling u dat i missed u...
i jz wish dat u're by my side now...but i dont think u'll knw dat...n i dun think that u'll knw dat i missed u...
i dun dare to open my mouth...all i did was wait wait n wait...
was it worth waiting?...i told myself dat it will be worth it...
n i will wait...i will...
all i cn do nw is pray n wait...
i want u 2 be happy with your decision...n i will wait for the right answer 1 day...
i cnt get u outta my mind...i nw itz blind but...
datz hw i feel...i cnt lie to myself n i dun wana lie 2 u...
i cnt help it...
but no matter what...i will stay strong n wait...
i will...

1st thing in d morning a tremendous headache struck me...i was in great pain...holy! my whole body ache like hell...i hv no idea wat happened until i realised i was coming down wit a fever...nw dat sucks ==
i slept n rested d whole day...n didnt eat a single food until my k jie forced me 2 eat den i ate...huhu T.T
i had a weird dream though....
i dreamt of my hometown...n even worse...i dreamt of my ex...we were holding hands just like in d park...n omg...i hv no idea wats happening...all of a sudden...i jz wanna get bk 2 sabah...i rili miss d moments....i miss my hometown...although derz no reason 4 me 2 go bk...i dun hv any place 2 stay either...
all i did was jz stare at d atmosphere while siting at d balcony...eventhough itz freaking cold...but i didnt care...
everytime wen i stare bk at d necklace...i cn feel my eyes start 2 water...i jz 2 get d feelings off me...
i knew he wud find someone after me...n it was true...his status was stated single but he was in a relationship wit my k mei...i was a little disapointed...but datz wat happened wen i was wit him...
he cheated me n had 4 distance relationship gf...he nvr admitted but all his smses said so...i still rmb dat time i kept everything inside me n nvr dared 2 express it out until i burst 1 day...it sucks...
i knw he hates me nw...i cnt blame him n he cnt blame me...i was angry until i threw our ring with our names carved on it as his b'day present...all of it...keychains, necklace n small gifts...i threw it all...i didnt wan 2 remind about d past...it hurts alot
wen i woke up...i tot everything rewinded bk...but it was jz a dream...but gawd it seems so real ><><
gawd...i nd 2 rest...ciao ~