why?

u r d 1st 2 make me believe in love...
u r d 1st who gave me d confidence 2 love..
u r d 1st 2 who understands my situation..
n most incredibly..for all my life, stil u r d only person who can read my expression...can read my face..behind all diz laughter n smiles..y? hw do u do dat? n how do u knw?
u can read me...how n y?
many ppl cnt read d expressions on my face...all i did everyday was jz smile n laugh...i couldnt help it..but wen u told me dat u could read my sorrow..n d words dat u told me before...i was shock...dumbfounded...u knew...u knew hw i felt..n u knew y i kept everything in my heart..u knew d reason..u r nt me...u r nt god...but y?
y did u treat me extremely good wen i jz treated u like a normal fren?..
y did u wipe of d stain off my face wit ur bare hands wen u knew u hated being dirty?
y did u sacrifice ur files 2 prevent me getting soaked under d rain?
y did u walk all d way 2 my house jz 2 get me food wen i didnt even tell u dat im hungry but actually i was?
y did u hold my hands wen we cross d road?
y did u cry for me wen i was crying on d inside but nt d outside?
y did ur ears turn red wen u saw me in a dress for d 1st time?
y did u make me so confuse?
n most importantly...y did u leave?
itz been 2 years...u knw...2 years!!
do u knw hw long was dat? n hw cme im d last 1 2 knw?
u had diz thing growing in u...n y didnt u tell me?
u cud read my body language n my expressions but i cudnt read yours...
u were oways laughing, smiling, playing around, teasing me n trying 2 make happy n i nvr realized d pain dat u went through...
y didnt u jz tell me?
i feel like such a fool...im soo disapointed of myself...i failed 2 read u...but u read me so easily..
u ever once told me dat we r jz like novels..all d words r written on our face..all we nd 2 do is jz read den we will knw d contents...
u knew hw much i love novels n we hv d same interest in music n arts..i still rmb u drawing a potrait of me..but u wudnt gv it 2 me..
u ever told me dat i was d only person who cud gv him d warmth dat he has nvr experienced...
u ever told me dat i was d only girl who meant so much 2 u...
i jz kept quiet...at 1st i was afraid 2 love until d words dat u said gained my confidence n i tolf myself i was ready..
u said u hv something 2 gv me on x'mas..derz still 2 months 2 go on dat time...2 me 2 months passed like 2 weeks so i didnt mind n said ok...
d next week u told me dat u r going 2 migrate 2 australia 2 further ur studies...i cried on d spot...but comforted me n told me dat u will b bk on x'mas 2 gv me d surprise dat u promised me...i nodded...i trusted u
2 months ltr...i waited 4 ur answer...wer 2 meet? wat time? n wat should we wear? i hv a give for u too...
i still rmb on d 28th... u havent appeared...something was wrong...i cud sense it...i couldnt call ur house n u nvr replied my emails..nt even my calls...wats happening?im soo confused...u asked me 2 wait...i waited...but wer r u? do u knw hw much i missed u dat time? u ever once told me hw much u loved clovers..i bought a pair of it...pure jade..i wanted 2 gv u dat...n all i cn do is jz kp it...nobody knws about it...nt even my mum...
i was angry at u..u made me disapointed...u said on dat day u wanted 2 tell me something...n u said u wanted 2 watch d stars wit me...n u said u wanted my life 2 better after on dat day...i already hv d idea on wat ur gonna ask on dat day...i was rili happy at dat time...i couldnt wait in fact...
i waited...n in d end i gave up...wen i asked ur frenz, dey said u migrated n had a new gf perhaps..i felt cheated, ashamed of myself...angry n disapointed...cried in d toilet..it hurts..
but nw...itz been 2 years...u received an email diz morning...an invitation 2 ur 2nd anniversary...i tot u got married or something but it wasnt...it was a funeral...
wat actually happened 2 u??? y m i d last 1 2 knw? i tot u said u wud tell me everything?
y did u lie 2 me? y did u say u migrated 2 australia wen u actually got admitted 2 ICU???
bryan told me ur tumour spread 2 ur nervous system..u got paralysed n fainted..u asked bryan 2 swear nt 2 tell me anything...but y? u're afraid dat i might cry or commit suicide or something?
bryan said after 3 days u left...wich was a week after u contacted me...i tot u didnt wan me anymore...but it wasnt...d 1st thing dat happened 2 me wen i read d email was cry...bryan found my email in ur previous chest at d attic in inanam...i cnt believe u still kept my hp number dat i wrote on a mcd receipt wen u asked me out on d 1st time...
i tot wat u told me was jz a joke...but it wasnt...plz...
y did u leave me hanging like diz?
2 years n i was d laz 1 2 knw...n no 1 wanted 2 admit...hw many ppl hv u tell dem 2 swear nt 2 tell me? even ur parents?
bryan told me u wanted 2 gv me my potrait...d 1 dat u hv drawn..dat i hv wanted for ages...n attached 2 it was a love letter...u plan 2 ask a chance frm me dat time... but b4 x'mas u were already admitted 2 hospital...around september...
i hv no idea y i cud stil smile wen deep inside me im so hurt..sometimes i cud feel ur presence around me...protecting me or something...i missed u...no one has ever did such adorable things 2 me like dat...nt even my exes...i feel so ashamed for blaming u..
rumours were heard dat d potrait was buried wit u...i wish i cud find bk d clover...but eversince i moved i nvr brought it wit me...i tot it wasnt meaningful anymore...i was a fool 2 believe d negative rumours bout u hooking up wit a girl or something...but it was too late...
i hv no idea wat 2 do nw...all i cn do is cry while reading d email n remembering all d memories dat u hv given me...y must u make it so sweet?
we nvr had a chance 2 start but u hv already left..for 2 years u hv left...u left me behind...u nvr said goodbye...
d last word u said was "goodnight kitty..c u in my dream..missed u..n dont 4get 2 miss me"..i laughed...i tot it was a joke or something...but ur words made me so happy till i cnt fell aslp dat night...u're stronger den caffeine n paracetamol..
u're like my medicine 2 everything..
i still miss u...but im nt sure if u're looking after me frm d above...god is protecting u...n i knw u hv been protecting me as well..
i wanted 2 c u...i wanted 2 hold u...but my tears wudnt let me..i cnt even hold u..
is diz d end of our novel? or jz d starting?
all i wanted 2 say was i love u...eventhough u wont b able 2 hv a chance 2 read diz blog..my feelings...hw i felt diz few years...but deep in my heart...from d bottom of my brokenheart...i will oways rmb ur sweet gesture...d memories dat u left behind...
condolescence...
bless eu...
remember me...