good girl gone bad?

mmm...
eversince i came 2 KL i started sleeping rili late weh...
lama2 cn b nite gui liao...hahax
my bro's grand opening was a success but stil ders a few part he's not satisfied..but it wasnt dat obvious la...
i was suppose 2 perform but eventually i got a sorethroat so i cnt sing 2 high pitch...
n yeah wen d ceremony ended...contiue 2nd round drink with comittee memberz...until 3am+...geng...den go play pool until 4.30am..walaoneh...damn tired but had fun la
2day my bo organized a BBQ at his studio specially for comitttee memberz...
siu kai yit...xixi
n lotsa beers...i wanted d shiraz merlot but finish odi...i prefer red wine den beer...much smoother n milder...lolx...
1 of dem got drunk n vomited ><
i kinda got drunk 2 but rested awhile n recovered..."yamcha" until 5am+ weh...d time wer every1 got up 2 go jogging...hahax
after dat kemas2 n went home...but stil cnt slp...mayb i rested 2 much jz nw..n nw my bro slping like pig odi..hahax...itz obvious dat he's tired...luckily 2mr no cls...cn wake up a lil late....xixi...
2mr gotta clean up da studio n help out at studio...haix...tired la...but hv 2..sigh
kelian my bro 2....
haix
gotta go oioi ler..nitez..2mr nd 2 pump up energy T.T

My New Life...

I knew my life would change tremendously as soon as i step in KL...

i left my part time job n decided 2 further my studies in KL TARCollege....

taking graphic design n thnk god i managed 2 get a scholarship so it wont be 2 much of a burden 2 me....

temporarily staying at my bro eric's hse...

things changed so fast n i've seen quite a few scenes dat r hard 2 b described....

d 1st time i visited my bro's studio i was like wow...cool...

n frm dat day onwards i started helping my bro...whatever dat needs 2 b done at d studio...

i dun mind helping out...he's been taking rili gud care of me...i felt guilty...so nice 2 hv him...like a father taking care of a daughter...hahax

mm...a few days past n skul started...

holy u will nvr imagine hw boring it is...i almost slept at mass call orientation day...2nd day was even worse...i kp listening 2 their announcements n rules until i rili did fell aslp...but luckily d lecturer didnt notice...or perhaps no one noticed...hahax

3rd day was society day...d day wer i've gotta choose my academic n non-academic groups...i wanted 2 join d music n choir society...eric said music wont b a regret...so i registered 4 it...he even asked me 2 try out 4 d SWC related 2 student welfare...well i didnt expect dem 2 hv an interview...but luckily it wont b 2day...probably another day or something..hahax

i didnt dare 2 enter 2 much..im afraid dat my schedle might b packed..i'd rather help out at da studio..

it is like day by day i cn c lots of my bro's secrets...

his life, career n most shocking r his past relationships....

hoho...sounds kinda like a playboy but im not sure if he is o nt...i admit i stil dun quite understand him as well as his ex...

itz like his life is full of girls...facebook n reality...holy...fans n admirers...u cn even name dem...eventhough im nt him oso i pening owh...lolx...

but u cn c dat he focuses more on his studio n career den d girls...u cn c dat he cn even ignore dem...

talented n funny bro...he made a gud choice of focusing on his career 1st in his mindset...wen he's stable wit his career ody den he'll think bout da relationships..

gud luck bro...ders jz 2 many fishes out der...bless eu dat u will find a responsible n loyal gf dat has no problem in communication wit eu... =3

as 4 me...no comment...i guess skul is 1st....if i do well in skul...career is not a problem...wat i nd nw is jz time...time is precious...i wonder wat wil happen if assignments r starting 2 rade our minds till dey get all blocked up or something...

sigh...

may all blessings b wit eu al.... =3

confusion..

Time past so fast....

itz nearly d month of May...

im working part time at upperstar a western restaurant...im at d morning shift but sometimes it feels like im working d morning nite shift..everytime i got bk frm work..my whole body ached..tired but worth d experience =3

many things happened diz few days...

i met bk wit andrew n he introduced me 2 a fren name stanley...

we hang out like omos everyday eversince den...

well andrew didnt changed much in his character but changed alot physically..hahax..

a few weeks ltr...stanley told me he likes me..gasp

dat was cute of him but at dat time i wasnt ready 2 b in a realtionship...

he was super nice n i cn c dat he's rili loyal n all dat...he's kinda cute in a way..but still my heart is still under a heartbroken condition...

eversince my ex came bk everything omos changed...at 1st he told me hates me n wanted a break...but nw..i dun get it...my ex told me he wanted a rekindle n regretted wat he said b4...i was in deep shock though..i didnt expext dat respond...but i didnt put dat in mind...

it made me even more confuse of our status...i realize i didnt wanna hurt myself badly again so i reconfirm our relationship status 2 jz stay as bestfrenz...he kept silent but still calls me dear...i assume he got used 2 calling me dat...but still he tells me dat he still misses me...

i cnt do anything...i cnt hate...all i cn do is jz treat him as a fren who needs company...but i rather hang out wit stanley...he's much more of a calm n steady person...he's not doz type who throws tantrum..

im not sure wat i did...all i knw is dat everytime stanley asked me 4 a chance itz oways not d rite time...i rejected him..n yeah i knw it hurts him...2 tell d truth i do kinda like him...nvr a guy ever treated me dat nice n humble b4...i realized im not perfect enuf 4 him...im scared dat i might hurt him 1 day cuz he's jz 2 nice...n im like d opposite of him...although he denies it...but still i feel guilty...im jz not ready....i actually thought he cud wait till my heart heals...but 2 late he found someone dat he loves already...

i was shock at 1st n confused...cuz i still rmb dat he said he wanna wait..he's nw with clover...he told he had a choice of either 2 b with me or clover when he wanted 2 ask a chance frm me..after i rejected him he told me he started with clover...hell yeah i was shocked..

lukz like i dun nd 2 wait anymore..it shows dat we both hv no fate since he chose dat path of being with her...it was rili sweet 2 c dem both 2gather =3 like 2 birds pirching on a tree chirping all day long...i wonder when will dat b my turn? i wonder if i might find my mr right? i hope destiny cud lead diz path of mine...i wish everything wud turned out fine...although im stil under confusion but i guessed working might stop me from thinking 2 much..

sigh..

A memory to remember..

I still remember the days wer we oways hang out on d bench at a playground near our apartments..dat is d time wer we oways share our pasts...our stories...wat happened in our lives before we ended up 2gather...n oso our interests..
I still remember d 1st time we met at easy way..
wait dat wasnt d 1st time we met...
d 1st time we met was at blackrock..
we were oni tables away..
i oways c u around dat time...n i stil remember u ever told me dat u oways knew wich 1 was me...u knew i oways hang out there... i smiled =)
dat time i didnt knw dat u worked at easy way until i saw u wearing one of their uniforms..
i didnt know wich shift u were in until 1 day my frenz ask 2 have a drink at easy way..den at dat time i knew ur at d morning shift..
but so sad my frenz didnt turn up...so i drank my drinks all on my own =)
from that day onwards i fell in love with their milk pudding milk tea..n he knew i oways ordered dat =)
on dat day onwards we chat alot n became quite gud frenz..tru sms...tru chatz..n ended up 2gather..ahahax i also stil remember d part wer we wnt 2 cp n u rili rili wanted dat pair of shoes..n we bought some shoe laces to match up our shoes...but in d end u used up 2 two black metallic laces..while mine was in black n purple..
i still remember i will oways buy breakfast for u or buy snacks for u in case u get hungry...i still remember dat time i oways scared u get hungry...u cant imagine how skinny he is...mcm tulang =) hahax..but still i love him for d way he is...
and i will oways remember d nitez wer we hv our dinner 2gather at ur house after work..n how we oways play at d playstation..vs at naruto..sometimes i even help u 2 continue ur journey n we oways vs each other...ahahax...n u ah everynite oways wan milo or nescafe de..if not u cant sleep de...
but...
the most memorable day was d last day before i leave for my plkn... 2/1/2010 8pm onwards..
it was a sad day but happiest day of my life with him 2...
we spend our most valueable time at d bench at d park...holding hands..sitting right next to each other..we cant stop talking n chatting at dat time...ahahax...derz so much 2 express at dat time n i still remembered i almost cried..but i tahan..we havent got enough so we did something silly...we walk d whole beverly hills phase 2! from d front 2 d back n d back 2 d front...while holding hands.. =)
n we arrived back 2 da playground..we sat on d see saw 2gather...dat time u were smsing n i keep shaking u...hahahax..we continued walking n talking n on music on our handphones...it was a romantic nite...wen we luk at d time it was almost 12am..it was time 2 go back home...i still remember u teman me go back home n at d stairs u were hugging me so tightly wishing dat i wudnt go dat fast...but we had no choice..it was sad 2 let go off ur hands at dat time..wen i arrived home..i cried in my sleep..i still remember we were stil smsing on our hp..
u said 'god oways take away d person dat i love'...i replied u 'take it as a challenge'..u agreed..it was so hard 2 let go at dat time since i've been so close 2 u..but now everything has changed..i wonder is it me who has changed or is it u?
early d next morning...i quickly rush out 2 buy breakfast 4 u...ur favourite lo mai kai n a can of coca cola...i cant reach u so i put d fud in d letter box hoping dat u wud find it after i inform u tru sms...but by d time u woke up oredi n replied my sms...im odi in d car on d way 2 stadium likas...going 2 plkn soon...time past so fast at dat time...i was crying in my heart...i cant let my frenz n mum c me dat way...i dun wan 2 leave d person dat i love all diz while...but stil u ask me 2 b strong n face d challenges...so i wiped of d tears n went on with my journey...i decided 2 take it as a challenge 2..we both agreed...u stil sms me even im stil at d airport..n even wen i arrived...i was touched...u were so concerned of me at dat time...wen d teachers confiscated my hp...i called u using d public phone almost everynite..i missed u so mush at dat time...i missed ur smile n d moments wer we oways share so much 2gather...
but as time goes by...ur mood started 2 get moodier...sometimes u even told me dat u dun hv da mood 2 talk 2 me...i wonder y...i though mayb it was just ur mood swings...but it turned out worse...n wenever i got bk my hp...u hardly msg me odi..especially wen i got bk...u nvr cared bout me anymore..u never find me anymore...itz oways me who smses u 1st...itz like ur feelings 2wards me change odi...i keep asking myself wats going on? n i found d answer...u got closer 2 some1 else odi..her name is oso M..u kept commenting her photos n her status in fb..but when i sms u u said u r nw bz got things 2 do or watching tv...it is like u nvr wanted me part of ur life anymore...it is like i am a bug in ur life...i feel so hurt
until 1 day jared called me in d afternun n said diz few stuffz bout u n diz girl..i didnt knw dat all diz while jared was making up doz storied n i instantly believe wat he said..i got angry n i 4got dat i was under pms n we 3 got into a big fight n misunderstanding..
i still remember d msg dat u send 2 me dat u loved her more den me...dat eversince i went 2 plkn u nvr loved me anymore...i was so hurt at dat time...i feel like being used as a toy..2 just entertain u wenenver u r oni bored..i wonder y? y do u hv 2 treat me like diz? n u told me dat u hated me already...i knew dat would happen cuz i ruin u n dat gal...if u loved me u would never said dat...but diz odi proofs dat u nvr loved me...den wat am i?
i keep asking myself wat am i 2 u?....
but now...
everything is gone oredi...
i lost u in d end...im sori
wil u ever 4gve me?
but diz love...i dun think it is worth continueing..cuz he doesnt love me anymore...wat d use?
n all is left is these sweet n happy memories..
I will cherish n will oways remember OUR happy moments 2gather..
i know u nw hv difficulty in finding job n u ever told me dat a sensei ever said dat diz year wud b ur unlucky yr..
dear junior, believe in urself n dun 100% trust wat ppl said...it is ur life...n it is u who is goin 2 decide ur future...not dem...i will oways pray dat u will find a perfect career dat suits u best n high salary...i believe in u cuz i know u r not doz type dat wil gv up easily..but i knw u r doz type dat is willing 2 face d challenges in life...u r nt afraid of bitter..i admire diz side of u..whenever u face a challenge it means dat ur success id coming soon...believe in urself n believe in god =) god is oways der 2 help u n hint u a path 2wards ur future =)
have faith n oways be strong yea..i will oways remember u as d person dat i have oways loved..i appreciate ur love dat u hv given me before any of these happened..i nvr regretted being with u..
i will oways miss u..take care
I love you
from : Miyuki Xiao Mao

itz over...

itz over....
blame it on me...
i knew i started it 1st....
but itz for ur own gud....
im sori i made u angry....datz d oni way 2 make u hate me...i cnt bear 2 hate u...so i did it d other way round...i dun care hw u think of me nw...i just wan 2 end my suffer wen being with u...i feel like being used...im sori im not ur doormat...go find some1 else...im not fit 4 u...i deserve better n not some1 who oni thinks about himself....i cared n sacrificed so much 4 u...but diz is wat i get it d end...thx so much 4 d pain...n i knew i gave u a kinda pain in d other way round...i knw it hurts...if not u wil nvr know d pain im sufferring wen u r standing at my place...wat do u knw?
nothing.....
u knw nothing...i knew so much...but 'dem'?dey knew nothing...i dun care if u wan 2 compare cuz derz a difference...i knw everything but dey know nothing...datz da difference...if i know nothing i'll be as stupid as dem...falling in2 ur trap n lies...i wonder hw many times u hv lied 2 me odi...i wonder hw many other gals out der u hv dated behind me?i wonder hw many times u hv used me?
u cant answer me...n if u ask me i will nvr asnwer u...i hv sufferred for 3 months+ eversince b4 camp started...n all u ever think is urself...u wanted me 2 b loyal n said u trusted me...u cn trust me...but cn i trust u?no...look wat u did?i regretted i trusted u...u did so many things behind me...n im just left like a carpet lying on d floor...u lied so much..i feel like an idiot..tell me..wat wrong hv i done?answer me?huh...no use...u will nvr give me a proper answer...
im disapointed u told me dat ur love 2wards me fade eversince i went 2 camp...u said u loved M more den me...i was devastated..so hurt dat in d end u admit doz words out...thx 4 being honest with me...atleast nw i hv d heart 2 let u go..we cn oni b frenz...we cnt b 2gather...i dun wan 2 b da victim again...
u oways gv excuses 2 my answerz...b4 u say anything...y dun u try standing in my place 1st...feel it 1st b4 u gv ur comment..all diz while u were playing with me..using me..u werent serious with me...i felt cheated...ur words....so poisonous...i cnt trust u anymore...
just let diz b d end of us both...we hv no fate...i dun wan 2 say anything...i will not tell u diz face 2 face...i wan u 2 find diz out urself....i hv odi been a big fool...i dun wanna b another big stupid fool...thx 4 giving me chance 2 feel diz deep pain...
but no matter wat...i will treasure d moments wen im with u...throw d bitter but keep da sweet...i admit der r moments dat im happy being with u...but 2bad we ended up in diz way...lets just 4get it..i'll go my way n u'll go urz...i'll pray dat u will find ur happiness n success in ur career...but no matter wat happens i will nvr hate u...we're just meant 2 b frenz...
take care n god bless my fren...may all blessings b with eu...

Im back ^^

wohoo....!!!
Im back....
AT LAST!!!!
I miz home so badly...n sheeesh i will nvr 4get d xperience in d national service...though dey r lotz of happenings der...derz juz 2 much 2 describe n tell bout wat happened der...but still...itz a wonderful xperience...
I realized 1 thing...d medic weighed me n i added 2 kg...i freaked out of course >< weights ="="...after">
n another bad news...my face got worse >< size="4">hideous..
in fact i got compliments dat i didnt get rili tan n dark after camp...well der is a story behind dat fact...d coaches would freak out whenever I turn red under d sun...thingking itz a skin allergy n tot I might get worse n bloth up...so i was given the privilege 2 stand or sit under a tree during any activity...well of course some activities weren't advised 2 join due 2 my skin probz...so der...haix...atleast i maintained my skin texture n colour...i don wanna go negro wen i gt bk...
thk god !!
i felt so relieved wen i arrived at d airport...i got so excited n i cnt wait 2 get bk home at dat time...i was filled with adrenaline...i cnt stop smiling...(i look like an idiot though) == I was so happy 2 c my mum...she grew prettier through da days...was glad 2...we had dinner 2gather at d golden lion...i dun care if itz just a simple meal but it sure is great 2 hv dinner with my mum once again...
during da camp, i learnt how 2 play da 3x3 rubic cube...but stil i havent mastered d last formula...it was kinda long though...but atleast i learnt something...i bought a cube at 7 eleven laz nite n started playing it...my mum was astonished wen she saw me assembling it...lolx...
I got my results yesterday
it was dramatic....
i got 3 A+, 3 A, 2 A- & 2 B+ ...whew..8A's 2B's..well atleast i still cn get scholarship with dat gradez...but stil im not satisfies T.T uhuk...mayb i didnt worked hard enuf...i expected 10A's...but sheesh it was hard 2 score...haix...nvm...itz all over...itz da past...i shud b grateful though...
I got a B for moral studies n commerce...i expected accounts 2 get B...I think itz fair for moral studies cuz im oways stuck at dat grade...but not for account! during my trials i never scored A's for account...not even my forecast results...dey gave me a B...n during da exam...i freaked out of course...it was sooooo damn hard...i almost cried my heart out...i knew i had no hope at dat time...i skipped 2 questionz n i cnt even stabilise d amount...none of my answers were correct...i was disapointed 2 c dat I oni managed 2 fill 2 piece of paper while my frenz can fill up a book...i didnt wanna gv up hope at dat time so i scibbled formulas instead..thinking dat it might fill up my papers instead of making it look thin n empty...
n voila...an A for my account...one word for it > UNBELIEVABLE!! but thk god...accounts r more important den commerce...but hell...i took lotz of my time 2 study commerce but it didnt pay well...mayb d graph was either high or d marking scheme was strict...ouch...wat a shame...but stil...i shud b grateful 2 get such a grade...
I stil remembered i had a nitemare...i dreamt dat i oni scored 2A's...i cried in my dream...but in reality...wohoo...it was supposed 2 b dat B's...itz a reciprocal...hahax...
derz so many thing happening around me once i got back here eventhogh itz just a few days..taking my results, getting back with my mum, hanging out with frenz n yeah..relationship crisis...
all I knw nw is I felt like a spare tyre...he said no I wasnt..but two timing shows da evidence...1st it was B, den C n nw M...I hv no idea wat 2 do...shud I leave?or just wait?I cant bear da pain anymore...he doesnt knw how I feel...n i dun wan him 2 knw...wats da use of loving a guy wen his heart is not on u but half heartedly?wat a shame...I shouldnt b treated dat way...he's not worth it...I was always left alone...he's always busy doin his stuff...n nw we hardly communicate already..n he got even closer 2 M..I guess Im just a light bulb getting in his way...mayb without me...his life wud b better..no nd 2 fan him so much...besides im not a gud gf..we always quarrelled...whenever im in a mood 2 talk 2 him...he oways gv me excuses saying he's not in a mood...a party crasher...ouch...i realized im juzt wasting my time...mayb he is more fit 2 b with M...mayb cuz she is stil young n happy go lucky...while im more 2 da serious n mysterious type...he in fact became more moody diz few days...i duno wat 2 do mend da relationship...he cnt mend it...he never made d effort...he never did...i cnt c it...if he rili loved me...he wud make d effort 2 mend d cracks n nvr let go off my hands...but no...he just lays back...waiting for a miracle?i duno bout him...im just wasting my precious time...I wanna special memory n some appreciation...but 2 bad im just a spare tyre...entertaining him wen he oni needs some1 2 chat or 2 comfort...we're losing d sparks...he didnt realized it...i tried mending it...but itz no use...my heart tired ler...time for my hear t 2 hv a long rest...think da positive sides n rather focus on my future goals instead...
im out ~

Idiot me...

Although some ppl may said dat i can be brainy in my studies but hey i possess a white belt in relationshipz...i just dunno y? izit me or izit d world trying hint me something? or izit dat guys around me appears 2 be mental or retarded? (excuse me for my rudeness) hehe...

HAIX!..... =.='

sometimes i'd oways wanted 2 ask myself diz questionz:

1. what will i do if I fell in love with da wrong guy?

2. what if the guy fakes dat he loves me?

3. what would u do if the person dat u love has another lover?

4. what would u do if the person dat u love only partly loves u?

5. will i ever meet my true prince? (2 tell da truth i dun believe in fairytales)

diz question is seriously bothering me because i'd rili hate it if it rili happens 2 me...i guess it will some day...it SUCKZZZZZ 2 get played...

i dislike PLAYBOYZZZ!!!! ( who doesnt????)

I dunno y some guys cant think bout our feelingz...we r human! we get hurt 2!!!! but haix

nvm...if silent treatment is da best solution den it will b dat way den...i dun think it might change him either...

y am I thinking so much wen it rili isnt gonna happen??? hahax...some ppl said dat it might bring adverse effect...i mean in a gud way...but i dunno how true it can b though...

haix...days passing by...n yeah ntg happened...n i hope he doesnt find diz BLOG...i mean MY BLOG...becuz...erm...it'll oni lead 2 1 answer >>>> IM DEAD

(well atleast it'll cut away da pain within me perhapz if itz gonna happen anywayz)

sigh.......................................................................................

T.T sob...

OMG!!!

I'm running outta credit T.T sob cnt sms ler...uhuk...im so lucky my mum borrowed diz broadband X3 yeah cn go on9...wee ~ =.=''

wait...im suppose 2 study economicz by now...nah...ltr la...ish...i hate it wen i feel a lil lazy n all dat...sigh...

WHY DO GUYS OWAYS THINK DAT WE GIRLS R DUMB???

haix...hiding ur secretz n true colourz will nvr do the job...it'll nvr work...u'll blow ur cover some day n dat oughta teach ya a lesson 2...as da saying goes : silence is GOLDEN..2 all galz out der...think smart...dun b like me b4...i experienced it once n dat time i burst..situation got worst at dat time...wen i learnt da silent technic..itz safer den d burst part..plus u get 2 c ''ur'' movie on live...u wont get blamed but will get hurt..best part of all, u knw wat he has done n he'll nvr figure out wat u knw...i take dat as a game..but itz all up 2 strategy...u will nvr 4gt da luk on his face wen u he knws wat u knw...

i'd rather enjoy life den fussing bout guys who r outta deir mind...i didnt mean 2 b rude or sarcastic...but most of u arent my cup of tea( i wan green tea XD)..stil waiting 4 my prince though...xixi...me-ow X3

Boring Sunday...=.=

sigh...gudmorning...yawn...i cant believe it...itz sunday oredi n i stil havent studied my basic economicz...im so dead..haix...lukz like i'd better full blast later on or else i wouldnt knw wat 2 write 4 my stupid essay..my mum told me if i cnt get a straight A's 4 my SPM she wouldnt allow me 2 further my studies in KL..im not sure if dats a threat but it sure freaks me out cuz i seriously cnt find my future in Sabah...dey dun hv wat i wan...n besides i might get 2 gain more life experiences at KL more den here..isnt dat a gud thing? i dun wanna get spoiled n im not 1! hahax...wat freaks me out da most is dat my forecast has got 3 B4's!! well, my mum freaked out 2...i wouldnt wan dat B4's in my real slip...dat'll contaminate it T.T sob...but haix...luks like i gotta pray more so dat d paperz dat i hv sat for might gv me a gud score...u wanna knw my weakness? sigh...itz lame ya knw...everytime my brain keeps telling me 2 go study study study...my hands or other parts of my body wouldnt wan 2..i might be doin something else like listening 2 music or logging on 2 facebook...xixi...mmm mayb i shud try 2 change dat bad habit..sniff sniff @@ ..yumm..my mum jz finished cooking...yeah...breakfast...brb...xixi X3

My 1st encounter...lolx

This is my 1st time creating n writing my own blog though..I may probably need some time 2 get used 2 it...many ppl hv been asking me 2 try 2 create 1 n itz wer i cn express lotz..since im so freaking bored i thought of creating 1..n yeah i did it...i knw diz sounds lame but i dunno wat else 2 write n say now..haix...all i can say is that my war is not over yet...my war as in >> SPM ..holy! im praying dat it gets over as soon as possible...exams r not over n im already thinking of hving fun n work a part time job...is dat a bad thought? O.o hahax...i must hv dreamt 2 much...my mum borrowed her frenz broadband so yeah i got loads of time 2 write in diz blog...but sometimes ders jz 2 much 2 write until i dunno wat 2 write...haix...ooppz...got something 2 do nw..i'll get bk 2 u ltr..i cnt wait 2 write more... X3 me-ow